


(Never)Boned

by TrappedInAPentagram



Category: Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Arin Neverbone - Freeform, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, No Smut, Rough Kissing, Samurai Barry - Freeform, Slow Burn, Time Travel, ninja brian - Freeform, stage personas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-08
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-01-31 00:42:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 38,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12664803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrappedInAPentagram/pseuds/TrappedInAPentagram
Summary: When the name of abstinence is threatened by a man with a sex drive unlike anything they've ever seen, two great warriors rise to the occasion. Travelling to the future to face the threat head-on, Arin Neverbone and Samurai Barry must face their toughest challenge ever: Danny Sexbang.





	1. Our Heroes

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Sex Talk](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/335766) by writergrump. 



> This story was inspired by a ficlet written by ao3/tumblr user "writergrump" who usually does one-offs. I highly enjoy her writing style and wanted to expand on this particular snippet she wrote that I believe is only posted to her tumblr page, for any interested in checking her out!  
> In other notes, this story is mostly inspired by NSP's song "Samurai Abstinence Patrol", among influences from other songs :3 enjoy!

"How we lookin', Bar?" Arin untied the sweatband around his head as he entered the control room. He and his partner, Barry, presided on the top floor of a Japanese skyscraper. The view overlooking the city was gorgeous, twinkling lights from hundreds of cars and streetlights illuminating the world below. A suit of armor in a display case glinted in the corner. 

Barry sat before a computer screen in the middle of the room, monitoring it closely. "The stats are great. Haven't seen 'em this low in ages."

Arin smiled. "We better keep up the good work then, yeah?" He pat Barry on the back, the samurai nodding in approval. 

Arin rifled through the small fridge they kept well stocked with various sodas and juices. Neither he nor Barry were big on alcohol. He grabbed a Pepsi and made his way to his own desk, which was facing Barry's. The screen hovering between them was barely translucent enough to see one another through, but it also allowed them to work on two separate windows on either side. Arin cracked open his soda and took a sip as he drew up a map on the computer. Ever since he and Barry had started their organization, it had been a success. 

Abstinence worldwide had never been more widely accepted.

It was still a growing trend, of course. There were plenty of people who practiced sex prior to marriage. While Arin was certain they could never stop everyone from abstaining, he still brought it upon himself to try. Having a samurai as a sidekick had its perks in the business, too.

A list of faces appeared on Arin's screen. These were known perpetrators; they'd hunted some of them for ages without turning up any luck. Some of them were only guilty of minor offenses, such as kissing on the first date. Arin swiped these profiles aside--they had bigger problems. Some of the people on his screen had forced themselves on other people, and Arin counted these men and women among the worst of the worst. 

"Any leads?" Arin asked, selecting a few faces and sending them through the screen to Barry's half. 

Barry glanced them over, "Nope, sorry. No alerts all day."

"Damn, you weren't kidding," Arin said, folding his hands behind his head as he leaned his chair back. There wasn't a single blinking light on the map. "I mean, I guess that's a good thing."

"I'll say," Barry said as he poured over some police reports.

Arin sighed, taking a drink of his Pepsi. Abruptly, a siren went off, causing Arin to choke as the lights in the room turned red. Barry jumped in surprise, immediately typing in a code on his keyboard. Arin coughed and wiped his arm over his mouth to clean up some of the soda he'd spewed over his front, watching the screen intently as it projected a three-dimensional globe. "Where's it coming from?" Arin asked urgently. 

"I don't know," Barry said, "it's like some sort've interference."

"From where?!"

"I don't know!" Barry shouted, continuing to type rapidly as he tried to pinpoint where this new alert was coming from.

"Our system has never been wrong," Arin narrowed his eyes, standing and planting his hands on the desk as he leaned in towards the screen.

"I'm not saying it's due to error," Barry retorted. "Give me a minute."

Arin frowned. This alert was saved for special occasions. "There," Arin pointed to where a flickering red dot had appeared on the holographic globe. He tilted his head. The lights had never flickered before.

Barry zoomed in on it. "It looks...like..." he said, continuing to work at tracing the exact location, "a man."

"Great, we've narrowed it down to half the fucking planet," Arin growled.

"Fine, you take over, since you're so good at using the computer."

Arin said, "No, sorry. I know you're trying."

"Damn right, jeesh," Barry said, typing in a few other codes. "I wonder if..." he added under his breath, adjusting a numeral. He blinked, adjusting it again. "Uh...Arin?"

"What, where is he?" From what Arin could tell, the dot had began to glow brighter, but nothing else had changed.

"He's...not from here."

Arin snorted, "What, don't tell me you think we've got an alien invasion on our hands, here."

"That's not what I mean," Barry said, pointing to the numeral he'd changed: the year of the graph. "Look. The dot doesn't fully solidify until...five hundred years from now."

Arin's mouth fell slightly open. He ran a hand through his hair, "You're telling me some guy born five hundred years from now has such a powerful sex drive that it caused our system to pick up on it?"

"I...I guess?" Barry said, just as flabbergasted. "But who could possibly be that fixated with sex?"

~~~

"Really, Danny? Really?" the furious blonde shoved Dan in the shoulder before turning to storm out of the room.

"Krisstin, wait!" Dan called, gently taking her shoulder before she could get too far. "Listen, this may not be the best time to ask, but what exactly were the chances of that blowjob, one to ten? If it's one I'll put my pants back o-"

The door slammed shut. "Krisstin?" Dan called again, but the blonde didn't come back. Dan pouted, sensing a familiar presence like a shadow rise behind him. "She's gone, Ninja Brian. She's really gone." Brian put a comforting hand on Dan's shoulder, shaking his head slowly. Dan couldn't tell if it was out of pity, remorse, or disapproval for trying to get with a woman by lying about a quest for a fake Sacred Chalice. "Damnit," Dan kicked the plastic goblet under his bed. He'd try it again with some other love interest.

Brian sat on the edge of the bed, patting the space next to him. 

"Brian, I don't want to talk about it," Dan whined.

Brian widened his eyes slightly, staring at Dan.

Dan hesitated another moment before saying, "Fine," and plopping down beside the ninja. Brian rubbed a hand on Dan's back soothingly. "Thanks, buddy," Dan said, even though he had been expecting a literal stab in the back. "It just sucks, you know?" Dan threw himself backwards, the sparkling blue robe he wore flying open. Brian nodded, completely ignoring the now-exposed tuxedo thong that Dan was wearing. "I feel like every time I'm about to get with someone, something blows my chances. Heh, get it?" Brian nodded again. "I dunno man, am I doing something wrong?"

Brian shrugged, taking out a knife.

"No, I don't think stabbing people I want to sleep with will be a great turn on," Dan said, "but thanks for the suggestion, I guess."

Brian put the knife away, signing, _At least you're not a virgin._

Dan smirked, "You know it. I guess I just feel like I don't belong here, or something."

Brian raised a brow, _Just because you missed your shot today doesn't mean there won't be one tomorrow._

"You know, even though that wasn't particularly profound, it does make me feel better," Dan smiled, sitting up. "You're right, Brian. There's plenty of fish in the sea."

Brian gave him a thumbs up. He only signed when he felt like getting something specific across. After years of bonding with the ninja, Dan had picked up on the subtle messages Brian conveyed. He didn't have to speak or sign for Dan to know what he was talking about most of the time. And the rest of the time, Dan had no earthly idea what Brian could possibly be thinking, but that didn't stop him from guessing. And Brian rarely corrected him.

Dan rolled off the bed and hopped into a stand, setting his fists on his hips in a superhero stance. "We've lost the battle, but the war is far from over," he said with a dramatic flair. "Come, Ninja Brian! Let us depart from this sultry abode. The world awaits!"

Without another word, Dan launched himself through the door like a prancing gazelle. Brian's mouth formed a small smile under his mask before somersaulting after the singer.

~~~

"Man, remember those days, Brian?" Dan asked, both his arms around a woman. Brian nodded, enthusiastically strangling a man he was currently sitting on. "Yeah, there was in fact a time when ladies turned me down," Dan said solemnly. The two girls with him giggled, one of them rubbing a hand down his chest. "But I've grown since then, in more ways than one," he winked, the girl on his right swooning. Dan was fairly positive one of the people in the group was a mime, who might very well have been the one Brian was currently choking--the ninja hated clowns and the like.

One of the women across from him said, "Tell another story, Danny."

"I mean, there's the time Ninja Brian and I saved the world from supermonsters." At the excited murmur in response, Dan said, "Yeah, that's a thing that happened. So please, pay attention. I'm talkin' to you, Doug," he pointed to a man who was making out with another guy. The two of them blushed and broke apart, so Dan began, "It was the middle of the day-"

A thunderous roar echoed across the room. Dan flinched, asking, "What the-?" as he looked around, cowering closer to Ninja Brian, who had stood and immediately drawn two knives. The lights in the room flickered, and the other occupants whispered to one another in fearful tones. 

A flash of light drew attention to a glowing line that had appeared in thin air. It widened to reveal two silhouettes standing menacingly, facing the room. "You're a hard man to find, Mr. Sexbang," a male voice said.

Dan tried to play it cool, letting go of Brian and asking, "Who are you?"

A man in a pink robe stepped forth from the light, followed by a man in black armor, two golden horns protruding from the helmet. "We are Samurai Abstinence Patrol, and I'm afraid we're going to have to be blocking your cock."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for the record: i had to name writergrump's ficlet bc it made me to be able to post this, but the short story she wrote was untitled, to my knowledge. writergrump, if you should find this, let me know if you'd like me to change the title of your piece!  
> i'm not claiming any of the referenced song lyrics  
> and also there was a bit of dialogue taken pretty directly from The Sacred Chalice skit, part 4, as well X3


	2. Manhunt

Barry felt something tink against the front of his helmet. He looked down to where a shuriken was laying on the ground at his feet. Ninja Brian looked positively furious that it hadn't impaled Barry's forehead as he'd meant the metallic star to. Barry looked back up, drawing a katana from a sheathe at his side as Arin did the same.

Dan laughed loudly, the sound so overdramatic it gave away his crippling fear of the situation. "Gentlemen, please," he lifted his hands, "I'm sure we can come to some sort've agree-" Before he could finish the proposal, Ninja Brian had rushed past him, leaping into Barry and sending the two crashing through the wall.

Arin turned his head to watch the two disappear through the hole in the wall before he turned back around to face Dan. He held up his sword, the metal glinting in the light. "Allow me to explain to you the error in your ways."

Dan snorted, "Really, is there a need to be this drastic?" He chuckled again, this time not able to hide the nervous shake in his voice.

Arin walked forward, "There wouldn't be, if we didn't have to come all the way from our own timeline to be here."

Dan backed away, keeping his hands raised as the people that had been gathered with him backed away into the walls. Arin's gaze was only focused on Dan. Dan said, "Your what?"

"Timeline. I'm from five hundred years ago."

Dan blinked, "Shit, that's so cool! Are you like intergalactic peacekeepers?"

"In a way," Arin said, "but we operate on a more local scale. Haven't left the earth, yet."

"Me neither, but damn, if I had the chance, I'd show the galaxy what's up, y'knowI'msayin?" he smirked, nudging the air in Arin's direction.

Arin stared at him, unimpressed. "No wonder you tripped our signal."

"Signal?"

"My partner and I," he paused when Barry and Brian came crashing back into the room through a new hole. More accurately, Brian crashed into the room after being thrown by Barry, who then stepped into the room after him and was immediately hit in the face with a flaming shuriken that this time stuck in the helmet. Arin continued as though this were perfectly normal happenstance, "We've been keeping tabs on the sexual activity of the planet for years. It is our belief that people shouldn't have sex before being married." 

At that, Dan laughed. When it became clear Arin wasn't joking, Dan immediately looked mortified and gasped in horrified shock, "No!"

"Yes," Arin nodded, pointing his katana at Dan. "And you, Daniel Sexbang, appear to have had so much sex that it triggered our Red Alert."

Dan shifted his weight to his other foot, pursing his lips before nodding and saying, "That sounds pretty neat, actually. Like," he grinned, "how badass is that?" he looked around to the occupants of the room for approval, and they all nodded in general agreement.

"This is no laughing matter," Arin snapped. The room was immediately silenced. "For the sake of my future, I have to destroy you."

"Wait, woah, seriously? All I did was have a little sex," Dan said. A knife flew past his head from the other room where Brian had stopped in his own battle to effectively yell at him for lying. "Okay, a lot of sex," Dan corrected. "But you have to _destroy_ me? Wait that also sounds badass, like, not just killed but to have to be _destroyed_..."

"For fuck's sake, shut up!" Arin said. "I'm sorry, but it must be done." Arin rushed at him, swinging the sword. Dan instinctively went to block it with his forearm. When he heard a clang of metal on metal, he peeked his eye open, seeing Ninja Brian had suddenly materialized in front of him to block the blow, a smoke bomb still going off in the neighboring room where Barry was. Brian glared at Arin, the warrior narrowing his eyes in turn.

Dan said, "Can't we talk this over?" as Arin pushed against Brian's knife until the sword had slid aside. Arin swung it back to swipe at Brian's stomach, but the ninja backflipped away into Dan. Brian used Dan as a springboard to leap forward, tackling Arin. When Arin's back hit the ground, he looked up to see Brian lift a knife. The ninja brought it down towards Arin's throat, but he was stopped when Barry grabbed his wrist. Brian straightened and focused his attention on the samurai once more, allowing Arin to stand. Arin cracked his neck, fixing his eyes on Dan again.

Dan threw his hands up, "Ninja Brian, escape plan A!" Brian turned his head from where he was locked in a bout of swordplay with Barry. He looked irritated but nodded, setting off a smoke bomb and disappearing, reappearing by Dan. The ninja grabbed Dan's hand, and as Arin shouted, "Hey!" Brian threw yet another smoke grenade, and when the fog fizzled out, he and Dan were gone.

Arin frowned, surveying the room before sheathing his sword. "Sorry for the interruption, ladies, gentlemen," he said to the remaining civilians. "If you must practice sex, practice safely." He reached into his pocket and threw a handful of condoms like confetti. "Come on, Bar," he said, "we'll find 'em again." Barry nodded and sheathed his weapon as well, the two reopening a portal through time and stepping into it, disappearing.

~~~

"Holy fuck, Brian," Dan said, pacing his room. Brian was seated on Dan's leopard-print bed spread, watching the singer walk back and forth. "That was insane! I don't even know his name and," he set his hands over his heart, throwing himself backwards onto the bed next to him, "I think I'm in love."

Brian lifted a brow, signing, _He tried to kill you._

"Destroy," Dan held up a finger in correction. At the brief blaze of fire in Brian's eyes, Dan quickly said, "You're right, you're right. I guess that does mean he wanted me dead." He paused in thought, rubbing his chin, "No one's ever wanted me dead before."

Brian made a noncommittal shrug, absolutely not thinking about all the times he'd wanted Dan dead and had nearly followed through on it. 

Dan said, "Do you think we'll see them again?" doing a terrible job at masking the hope in his voice. Brian paused a few seconds before nodding. Dan looked elated, "You think so?!"

Brian nodded again, signing, _There's not a doubt in my mind. But you might have to renounce the idea of sex to be with him, you understand?_

Dan pouted, "I guess you're right. He did say that it was his job to prevent people from having sex or whatever."

_Meaning even if you manage to convince him not to kill you, it will be an entirely new matter to get a relationship with him._

"But Briaaannn, he was so hooot," Dan whined.

Brian widened his eyes at Dan.

"Ugh, you're right," Dan sat up, sitting cross-legged and folding his hands into his lap. "If I want him, I have to work on his terms." Brian patted Dan on the back. "Which might...take awhile, but...wow," he fell back again, staring at the ceiling, "what a man. How long do you think it'll be before we see them again?"

Brian shrugged.

"Yeah, probably a couple days tops. I can't wait!" Dan squealed, grabbing a teddy bear from where it was sitting next to his pillow and hugging it tightly.

Brian lay down beside him and punched Dan's shoulder. Dan hissed in a breath, rubbing the spot, "Yeah, good talk, buddy. But now, we ought to rehearse for the show."

~~~

Arin and Barry were seated in a cafe, both enjoying lattes. Arin had a bagel in front of him as well, the two pulling up any information they could from this era about Danny Sexbang. Arin chewed in thought, his mustache full of cream cheese which he ignored. He tapped a location on a map marking a popular strip club in town called Strawberries and Cream. "I'll betcha any money they'd know a thing or two about him."

Barry said, "Can't hurt," before taking a sip of coffee. He continued as he set the cup down, "Even if Dan doesn't frequent there, I'd bet they could tell us where to find him."

"That's what I'm sayin'," Arin wiped his mouth before chugging the remainder of his latte. 

"Are you sure we should go in there in uniform, though?" Barry asked slowly. "I mean...what if the people here don't want us to take Dan in? He seemed...popular with his crowd."

"Hm, good point. I guess we could just do a bit of recon."

Barry nodded, "Might be best. People generally get uncomfortable when I walk the streets in this," he gestured to the armor he had never taken off.

"Well I didn't say you had to keep it on."

"Fine, give me a minute to change and we can head out."

"I'll be here," Arin began to pack up their things as Barry headed to the bathroom. He came back out in a navy button-up shirt and jeans, dragging the armor along behind him. Arin rushed over to help him carry it so it would stop grating against the floor obnoxiously. "Okay, pit stop at the hotel, and _then_ we go to the club."

"Deal."

~~~

Arin and Barry both felt highly out of place as they walked past the bouncers stationed at the doors of the club. The music thrummed deep in their chests, the bass pounding through their bodies as a throng of people milled around them. There was a short set of stairs that walked down a dip in the floor. The center of the building was taken up by an oval bar with a stage in the middle of it that, at the moment, was unoccupied. On either side of the building was a stage with three jutting walkways that stretched out towards the bar, a pole at the end of each runway. Male and female dancers alike were performing for a just as blended audience. Arin and Barry stuck close together, making their way to the bar. 

One of the bartenders, a woman with dark hair except for one blonde stripe, asked, "What can I get you boys?"

"Oh, just a water for me," Arin said, Barry shaking his head and holding up a hand to signify he didn't want anything.

She raised a brow but said, "Alright," before filling him a glass, handing it over. "What brings you in tonight, then?"

"Actually, I was wondering if you could tell me anything about a Danny Sexbang," Arin said, taking the cup.

The bartender laughed. When she noticed Arin wasn't also laughing, she said, "Wait, you can't be serious."

"So you know him?" She snorted, simply checking her watch and shaking her head with a knowing smile. Arin leaned forward, "I need whatever information you can tell me." She glanced up to him with an amused expression, still not replying as she busied herself with cleaning a glass. Arin waited before saying, "Listen, I can pay...you..." he stopped as the lights in the room dimmed.

All at once, a hush fell over the crowd, followed by an excited murmur as they all turned towards Arin and Barry. Arin looked around, beginning to feel highly alert before he realized they weren't focused on him. They were watching the stage in the center of the bar. "Oh, you're fucking kidding me," Arin mumbled as he turned back around, the music coming back to life with a long "tsssss" from a cymbal before it erupted into the guitar intro to the song, "Pour Some Sugar on Me." The crowd appropriately shouted, "Hey!" in time to the music, and that's when a spotlight fell onto the figure who had risen on the stage.

"Love is like a bomb, baby c'mon get it on, livin' like a lover with a radar phone. Lookin' like a tramp, like a video vamp. Demolition woman, can I be your man?" Dan sang, one fist in the air, the one-piece blue, caped suit he wore sparkling under the lights from above, creating a dazzlingly beautiful display. Arin had to admit, Dan looked completely at home. And his singing wasn't bad at all, to boot. What intrigued Arin the most, however, was that somehow Dan had projected semi-transparent clones of himself on the stage with him to not only be backup dancers, but they were singing the harmonies, as well.

Dan's hips swayed hypnotically to the music as he continued, "Take a bottle, shake it uuup. Break the bubble, break it uuup!"

"Pour some sugar on me!" the audience jumped in to sing along with him. 

"Ooooh, in the name of love!" Dan sang before pointing back at them.

"Pour some sugar on me!"

"C'mon fire me up."

"Pour your sugar on me!"

"Oh, can't get enough," Dan knelt, dragging a finger under a woman's chin as he sang, "I'm hot, sticky sweet, from my head, to my feet, yeah," and winked at her. Arin was fairly positive she was going to faint as Dan backtracked to grab the pole, continuing the performance. Barry's hand on his shoulder snapped him out of it. Arin turned away from Dan to look at his partner.

Barry hissed, "How are we supposed to get him down from there?"

Arin looked back up to Dan, weighing their options. "We wait for the show to be over."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lyrics to pour some sugar on me belong to def leppard!  
> i know you know this but i don't know how seriously copyright is taken on here so i always disclaim these things to be safe  
> wouldn't you just die to hear dan singing live? ;3


	3. Same Old Song and Dance

"Are you kidding me?" Barry asked.

"Dude, look at him," Arin gestured. "He's in the zone. If we go up there now, this whole crowd is gonna be on our asses."

Barry grudgingly nodded before looking around, trying to find out where Ninja Brian was undoubtedly lurking. On stage, Dan was singing the second verse, "Red light, yellow light, green-a-light, go, crazy little woman in a one man sho-OH," his breath hitching upon seeing who was on the front lines watching the performance. He gathered himself, continuing to sing, "Mirror queen, mannequin, rhythm of love, sweet dream, saccharine, loosen up!" His backup dancers sang the next two "loosen ups" as Dan swore he felt his heart stop beating. He hadn't been expecting Arin, of all people, to be at a place like this. He then smirked, realizing what an opportunity this was. He walked forward, strutting and swaying his hips as he sang, "You gotta squeeze a little, squeeze a little, tease a little more," making sure to keep eye contact with Arin, who actually didn't look disgusted, but nor did he look utterly far gone like most of the audience. "Sometime, anytime, sugar me sweet, little miss innocent, sugar me," he waggled his tongue with a flirty smile.

Arin raised a brow, keeping a hand on the taser in his pocket. He hadn't brought his sword, as agreed upon with Barry, and he was beginning to regret it, as he could feel Dan plotting something. Dan launched into the second round of, "Pour some sugar on me"s, his backup dancers doing most of the actual pole dancing seeing as they weren't physical and could actually manage to lift themselves more than two inches. 

By the time the solo was over, Dan knelt at the edge of the stage in front of Arin, singing, "You got the peaches, I got the cream," as he tugged at the neck of his uniform, revealing more of his chest, "sweet to taste, saccharine." Arin looked highly suspicious. "'Cause I'm hot, so hot, sticky sweet, from my head, to my feet, yeah. Girl, do you take sugar?" He made a two-fingered 'come here' motion at Arin with a smirk, "One lump or two?"

As the backup singers took care of singing, "Take a bottle, shake it up," Dan grinned and offered Arin a hand. Arin heard the volume of cheering erupt behind him as the rest of the audience apparently congratulated him on being chosen. Arin held up his hands, saying, "Nonono," but Dan hopped off stage and came to him, taking a hold of his wrists and pulling him along with him anyway. More accurately, a second pair of hands had picked Arin up from behind and shoved him on stage, Ninja Brian at last making an appearance to help Dan score. "Break the bubble, break it uuup!"

"Pour some sugar on me," Dan sang, backing up a step as Arin righted himself, his face completely red, "oooh, in the name of love!"

"Pour some sugar on me!"

"C'mon fire me up," Dan got closer to Arin again, the latter forced to not harshly react to Dan entering his personal space in front of the crowd.

"Pour some sugar on me!"

"Oh, can't get enough," Dan dragged a finger up under Arin's chin before running his fingers through his own hair, "oh, in the name of looove," he grinned at Arin's look of embarrassment.

"Pour some sugar on me!"

Dan suggestively thrusted his hips in time to the lines, "Come get it, come get it," actually causing Arin to turn his head away. "Wooooah!"

"Pour some sugar on me!"

"Yeah!" Dan rubbed a hand down Arin's chest, cooing, "Sugar me," as the final guitar notes played.

The crowd gave an uproarious applause as Dan panted for breath. Ninja Brian, in particular, was clapping enthusiastically next to Barry, who was giving him a side-eye of distaste. Arin was relieved Dan hadn't gone in for a kiss throughout the whole ordeal; in fact, as soon as the song was done, Dan stepped back, seeing that Arin was still highly uncomfortable. Dan didn't look overly apologetic, blushing a little himself. He covered a grin with a hand briefly before saying, "Hello again."

"Fancy meeting you here," Arin said flatly.

Dan giggled, the sound as musical and uplifting as Dan's singing voice. "I was about to say the same. What brings you here?"

"You, actually," Arin replied.

Dan put a hand on his chest, smiling broadly, "Me?"

"Not for the reason you think," Arin snapped.

Dan deflated at his tone, "Did you not like it?"

"The...no, I mean, well," Arin said, rubbing his neck. He was impressed at how much like a kicked puppy Dan looked. "The performance was fine, up until you dragged me into it."

Dan lit up again almost immediately, "Oh. Sorry, I couldn't resist."

"I'm sure," Arin said, "now get me down from here."

"With pleasure," Dan said with a smug look, offering him a hand again. Arin pursed his lips but took it, Dan hopping down and holding Arin's hand as the warrior did the same. Arin instantly let go as soon as he'd hit the floor, Dan not looking too disappointed. "I'm so glad you're here. I wanted to talk to you."

"And I, you," Arin said as Barry wrestled his way through the crowd to them, standing at Arin's side. Ninja Brian's head rose from behind Dan's shoulder, the singer not even taking notice.

"Great! I've got a room in back we can use."

"Sure, the privacy would be nice."

Dan wiggled his eyebrow, which Arin only then realized had a thin scar in it, "Oh, I know it will be. Except, y'know, it'll be more like a party of three. Brian doesn't like leaving me alone."

"Four," Barry said, "I'm coming, too."

"The more the merrier!"

"Fine, sure, whatever," Arin said. "Let's move."

Dan gestured for them to follow, making sure to stop and kiss the hands of a few people they passed. By the time they finally got to Dan's private room, it had been a good ten minutes since Dan's show; he'd stopped to thank a lot of people for coming. Arin and Barry opted not to risk sitting on anything, but Dan and Brian both looked completely at ease. Dan draped himself over a couch and Brian perched on the back of a large, cushy chair. Dan spun to sit up, man-spreading up the wazoo, and he asked, "Want anything to drink?"

"No," Arin and Barry both replied.

Dan snorted, "I'm not gonna roofie you or anything."

"I'm fine, anyway," Arin said, "but thanks, I guess."

"No problem. So...you wanted to talk?"

"Not originally," Arin admitted, Barry watching Brian. Brian looked completely unintimidated as he pulled a ball of yarn and a pair of knitting needles out of nowhere and began to knit. Barry looked highly confused, but Arin wasn't paying attention to the ninja.

Dan said, "Okay then, I could start, since I wanted to talk originally."

"I...suppose that's fine," Arin nodded.

Dan rubbed his hands together, "Okay! Okay," he said, staring at Arin. 

Arin waited a few moments, raising a brow. "Yes?"

"Oh, sorry, lost in your eyes," Dan said with a shy smile. "I also don't really know how to start."

"How about just get to the point?"

"Alright!" Dan chirped. "I don't want you to destroy me."

Arin exchanged a look with Barry before looking back to Dan, "That's it?"

"Okay, well, that wasn't very eloquent," Dan said, waving a hand dismissively. "I just think you and I misunderstand each other. We got off on a bad foot."

"I'll say."

"Look," Dan stood, "all I want is a chance from you to get to know me. I'll even...ab...stain..." he sounded like he was struggling to get the words out, "from...sex...for now."

Arin looked surprised, "You? I've known you for less than a day, and I know that isn't true."

"I would! I just want you to get to know the real me."

Arin scoffed, "What I saw tonight--that's the real you. The man I saw sitting in the middle of an orgy our first day in this era--that's the real you. Like I said, you set off our Red Alert. It's never misjudged someone."

Dan's expression fell. Brian looked up from the scarf in his hands, which so far had the letters "f-u-c-k-y-o" sewn into it. He was glaring at Arin, presumably for hurting Dan's feelings, as only he was allowed to do that. Dan said, "So what if I enjoy sex? That isn't all there is to me."

"That's what it seems like," Arin said.

"How dare you claim to know the real me?" Dan snapped, his eyes welling up with tears. "That's like me saying you must hate love because you abstain."

Arin frowned and took a deep breath, "...Alright, point taken. I'm sorry. That was rude."

Dan wiped at his eyes, sniffling, "It's alright. Will you give me a chance?"

Arin turned to give Barry a questioning glance. Barry studied Dan another moment before nodding. Arin nodded as well, looking back at Dan. "Alright. Consider this a temporary peace treaty."

Dan smiled, eyes still slightly pink, "Really?"

"Yeah. We won't try to take you in, so long as you hold up your end of the bargain."

"...No sex?"

"No sex."

Dan squirmed under Arin's awaiting gaze. Brian looked intrigued; he'd never seen Dan so torn up about anything. At long last, Dan said, "Deal."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm moving this along rather quickly, i know, but i have to; i meant for this to be a relatively shorter fic anyway, probably 10 chapters or less. stay tuned!


	4. Bonding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all, i'm sorry to have kept you all waiting! it's not likely the next update will take so long, i've just been going through a rough patch lately. a brief thank you to user reedlet who checked in on me and gave me some words of comfort <3 this one's for you, friend!

"So," Arin said, folding his arms across his chest, "about that thing you did on stage, with the uh..."

"Clones," Barry said.

"Yes, that," Arin nodded, "er, those. What were they?"

"Oh, these guys?" Dan asked, two of the clones suddenly fading into life on the couch on either side of him. "They're thanks to this," he brushed some of his curly locks back behind his ear to reveal a small, circular, metal disc stuck to his temple. "It's kinda like a mind reader that helps you shape your thoughts. They project what you're thinking into images. They work wonders when you need to plan things, like when I'm writing music and need to practice harmonies."

"You write your own music?" Arin raised a brow in interest.

"Sure," Dan smiled. "Ninja Brian and I have our own band."

"Dare I ask?"

"Ninja Sex Party," Dan stood and held a hand out, his fingers splayed. His clones hopped up onto the couch behind him, kneeling on one knee each and both pointing a single finger out in opposite directions behind Dan for dramatic effect. Dan's cape swished as he said, "Our mission: to bring sex to the masses, 'cause that shit is the best." He blinked when he remembered what he'd just promised Arin, the latter looking unsurprised. Dan coughed, "But not so much anymore!"

"Right," Arin chuckled, dropping his arms. "I should've guessed as much."

"Wanna hear a song?" Dan asked, eyes large and sparkling, making Arin wonder if he was using his mind chip thing to make them bigger than they really were.

"Well..." Arin said, looking to Barry. Barry looked torn as well, eventually shrugging uncertainly. "I mean...how about just an opening verse, or a chorus to one of your favorites."

"Woo!" Dan thrust both his fists into the air in celebration before pointing to his ninja cohort, who had just finished knitting 'Fuck You' with a middle finger onto a scarf. Dan pointed to him, "Go Ninja Brian!"

Brian leapt up and threw down a smoke bomb, showing up next to Dan with a keyboard spontaneously appearing in front of him. Brian waited for Dan's instruction, the lanky singer bending to whisper something into Brian's approximate ear location. Brian nodded and lifted his hands, bringing them down and starting to play an upbeat, admittedly catchy tune, the piano somehow producing more than just keyboard notes.

Dan sang, "Oh yeah, I will rock your wooorld, cause I'm a dragon slayer, girl!" Dan closed his hand into a fist and brought it towards his heart. His clones, as they had when he was on stage, took on the job of harmonizing with him, and Arin couldn't help but be impressed as how coherent they sounded as a unit. "I shall, now expose my cheeest," he tugged at the neck of his shirt, "don't act like you're not impressed," he winked at Arin, who was no more comfortable with Dan's flirty nature now than he had been twenty minutes ago. "How hard did I just seal the deal, with my dragon slayer steel? Do you feel all my sexy appeal, in my story that's so very totally real?" 

Ninja Brian stopped playing as Dan continued singing in the silence, "I rode up to the mountain top, it was ninety--hey!" he pouted. Brian stared at him, and Dan sighed, "I know, they only asked for one verse."

Arin said, "I mean...it sounded good, great, really. But do you write anything that isn't about sex?"

Dan opened his mouth, shutting it again in thought. Brian tapped his shoulder. Dan asked, "What is it, buddy?" Brian played a singular note, and Dan snapped his fingers, "Good call! There's one we did awhile ago for funsies called Dinosaur Laser Fight."

"Dinosaur what?"

Barry said, "Okay, I admit, that does sound kinda awesome."

Dan beamed, clasping his hands together, "Thanks! It wasn't anything much; we really just got bored one day and needed a pick me up. And I've always loved dinosaurs."

"Really?" Arin asked with an amused grin. "So do I."

Dan looked elated, "Really?! See, we have more in common than you thought!"

"Alright, keep it in your pants," Arin said, though he didn't sound angry. "You can chalk it up as the first thing we happen to have in common."

Brian took the liberty of taking out a knife and carving a line into the wall. Dan said, "Thank you, Brian. That's one thing."

"Yeeeah, one thing," Arin eyed the ninja, who casually put the knife away as if nothing had happened. "Look, not that this place isn't...nice, but can we maybe take this somewhere else?"

Dan said, "I would, but I have another show to do. I'm kinda one of the main attractions in this club," a sheepish blush creeped into his cheeks. "But you can come to my place after I'm off?" he asked with the same sparkly-eyed look of hope.

"Alright, sure," Arin said, trying not to think about how littered with sex toys and condoms Dan's house might be. He reminded himself he was being harsh, knowing it was only right to give Dan a fair chance before making judgements. "What time are you off?"

"Well, midnight is my last performance," Dan admitted. "By then, I'll be in the nude."

"And we will be far from here," Arin said decisively. "Where's your...house?" he guessed.

"Apartment, more like," Dan corrected, "but it isn't far. Brian and I share a royal suite; it's on the top floor of the Grand Slam Suites building. You can't miss it."

Arin raised his brows, "A _royal_ suite?" 

"Yeah, it's convenient being able to stay in the city. It's a quaint little place."

"...Uh huh," Arin said, wondering how much Dan was paid for this job. "Well, I suppose we'll see you later tonight, then."

Dan deflated a bit at the thought that they weren't going to stay for his other performances, "Sure you don't want to stick around for one more dance?"

"One was quite enough, but thank you," Arin said with a polite grin. "I'd hate to steal your attention."

Dan blushed and rubbed his neck with a smile, "You do have that effect on me."

"Well, you ought to focus on your fans that actually want it."

"I guess so," Dan agreed, masking his sadness.

Barry interjected to say, "We ought to let you prepare for your next show."

"Yeah, probably." 

Arin said, "Good luck out there. Not that you need it."

"Thanks," Dan smiled, Arin taking the lead and opening the door, Barry following close behind. When the door swung shut, Dan fell backwards onto the couch with a sigh, putting his hands over his face as the clones disappeared. Dan groaned long and loud, Brian sitting next to him to rub his back. Dan said, "This is gonna take awhile." Brian continued staring at him. Dan said, "At least I know we have one thing in common."

Brian held up a hand, taking the knife back out and carving a second line in the wall next to the first. Dan looked confused, scrunching his face up at the ninja. Brian signed, _You wish to know each other better._

Dan smiled slowly, wiping his eye before wrapping Brian in a tight hug. Brian sat and took it for the duration until Dan eventually released him, eyes still moist. With a renewed vigor, Dan stood, "Come on, Brian, we have a show to do."

~~~

Arin and Barry decided they might as well spend time touring the city while they were waiting. The both of them did their best not to interfere with couples kissing in public; this was, after all, a different time than their own. They weren't here to start a rally.

They got dinner at a sushi joint, impressed by the detail put into the plating of their rolls and sashimi. They almost immediately got into a contest to see who could handle more wasabi, and the victor by little more than a thread was Arin. After they had eaten their fill, they walked down a well-lit street lined on both sides with window shops. They perused mostly through the glass to kill time, only going into one shop on Arin's insistence so that he could look at the small glass animals that one man had created. He ended up leaving with a glass cat figurine he promptly named Mochi, Barry picking out a small purple lump with two dot eyes and a lopsided smile that he thought was particularly endearing. 

They dropped their souvenirs off in their hotel room and took back to the streets when it was nearly midnight. Dan had been right about one thing: the Grand Slam was hard to miss. The exterior was brightly lit; the sign was as extravagant as the implication of the name, written in large, bold, cursive letters that changed colors, sometimes fading gently and other times blinking as it switched. 

Barry said, "How much you wanna bet they chose this hotel for the innuendo?"

"Why wouldn't they?" Arin countered before heading into the large glass doors. He and Barry had to stop to take in the unexpected scenery. Hanging above was an enormous crystal chandelier, twinkling and cascading dots of light around the lobby. Before them was the front desk, manned by one petite man in a suit. To the right there was an archway into an entertainment hall appropriately with a sign that said Ball Room, the B in a suspiciously rounded font. To their left was an opening into a restaurant that likely catered only to hotel guests, just as appropriately named Fill-In's. 

Barry asked, "D...do they own this place?"

"I...don't know," Arin said, walking to the front desk. 

The man at the front desk had a nametag reading "Kevin," and he was looking at a computer monitor as he typed something in. Arin couldn't help himself, dinging the help bell. Kevin glanced up to him tiredly but put on a smile nonetheless, "Welcome, gents. Need a room?"

"Actually, we're here to visit Dan. He's expecting us," Arin said, dropping the name experimentally.

Kevin's eyes widened a fraction, "Danny...Sexbang? You know Dan?"

"Yeah, we're...friends of his," Arin replied, somehow not surprised how everyone in this town, and particularly this building, knew Dan. Barry noticed some heads turn their way curiously to listen in as Arin continued, "He was going to host us after he got back from work."

"Well, allow me to page him and see if he's there for you," Kevin said, setting a hand on his earpiece and dialing in a number on a keypad. After a moment, he said, "Mr. Sexbang, you have two gentleman here to visit you." He paused to listen, saying, "Wonderful, I'll send them your way." He lowered his hand, saying, "He's ready when you are. Here," he dug out two keycards from a drawer. He handed them over, "These are to unlock doors to the hotel amenities, per Mr. Sexbang's orders. The weight room, rock climbing studio, pool, spa, arcade, and bouncy castle are all open to you."

"Bouncy castle?" Arin asked.

"Down the hall behind me, fifth door on the right," Kevin smiled. "I'll override the elevator so it goes directly to the top floor. We hope you enjoy your stay, Mister...?"

"Arin and Barry," Arin said.

Kevin nodded, "A pleasure to meet any friends of Dan's."

As they turned to walk to the elevator, Arin muttered, "I'll say," to Barry. When the elevator finally arrived, they stepped in and selected the topmost button. They shared a good two minutes of elevator music quietly dinging through a speaker hidden somewhere above them. Arin said, "So. Read any good books lately?"

Barry snorted, "Yeah, the swimsuit issue."

Arin gasped in mock horror, " _Barry,_ I thought more of you!"

Barry nodded solemnly, putting a hand over his heart, "Alas, it's hard not to admire a good pair of-" he stopped speaking when the elevator dinged and the door slid open. Barry's hands dropped. The two warriors scarcely remembered to breath.

The door had opened to a room with marble flooring, a glass wall in front of them offering a view of an outdoor patio with a hot tub looking out over the twinkling lights of the city. The ceilings were tall, slender lights hanging down on thin lines that themselves seemed to glow. To their right, a black, sleek leather couch was positioned in front of a large flat screen television hung on the wall above a massive fireplace that crackled with life, a cushy red rug laid out before it. A kitchen occupied the other corner of the right half of the room, closer to the glass wall, complete with an island bar people could dine at. To the left was a spiral staircase that led up to a balcony overlooking the living room, doors at the top leading to what Arin presumed were the bedrooms and bathroom. The most striking feature, however, was a glimmering grand piano directly in front of them; Arin didn't think he could see a speck of dust on the entire thing. 

A door at the top of the stairs was thrown ajar. Dan stepped out wearing a blue kimono and threw his hands up, Brian walking to stand beside him to wave. "Welcome to our humble abode!"


	5. Attitude City

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who needs to be studying for finals when i could be writing fanfic hahaha end me

"You'd better not tell me you've already got company up there," Arin said with a grin.

Dan said, "Not this time," proudly, setting his fists on his hips. Brian pointed to himself and then to Dan from behind the singer before making a ring with his pointer finger and thumb, repeatedly sticking his other pointer finger into the hole. Barry snorted, even Arin struggling not to outwardly react at the joke, instead raising his brows in surprise.

Arin looked around, "I admit, this is a nice place you got here."

"Thanks," Dan replied, making his way down the stairs. Brian simply parkoured over the railing, flipping and landing on his feet on the first floor by the time Dan had arrived. "We get a discount on the place because we perform here, too."

"You do shows for the guests?" Arin asked, taking another look around the room and noticing that there was a wall of vinyl records behind the stairs. 

"Not quite like the one you saw," Dan clarified. "Just some concerts and stuff. Oh, can I get either of you a drink?"

Barry said, "If you've got any kind of juice, I'll take some."

"I think we've got apple mango, right?" Dan looked to Brian. Brian casually looked away, carefully observing the ceiling. Dan groaned, "Brian, you juicy fiend. Sorry, I think we're out, due to a certain juice-loving ninja."

Brian turned to give Dan a look for throwing him under the bus, cuffing him in the back of the head. Dan snorted and rubbed the spot as Barry said, "Don't sweat it, I can't blame the guy. Like, who can resist a good fruit cocktail?"

Brian's eyes widened as he looked to the samurai. He nodded enthusiastically, apparently elated that someone else understood his passion for fruity beverages. Dan grinned, "I'm glad we all have some things in common. But that still means you're out of a drink."

"What else have you got?" Barry asked, none of them paying any mind to Arin, who was approaching the piano.

"We might have some grape juice," Dan said, Brian shaking his head again. Dan frowned, "Really Ninja Brian? The grape, too?" The ninja nodded, making Barry laugh.

"We'll make it simple, then. I'll take water."

"Water it is," Dan said with a smile. "What about you, Ar-" he paused, noticing Arin's absence. He looked in time to see Brian tackling Arin away from the piano before his finger could come into contact with it. Dan yelped, "Brian, bad! No, don't hurt him!" He rushed over as Brian throttled Arin, the singer taking Brian's shoulders. Brian stilled, letting go of Arin's neck but continuing to glare down at him. "Sorry, this is kind of Brian's piano," Dan said with a nervous chuckle as the ninja climbed off Arin. Dan held down a hand, and Arin accepted it, getting pulled to his feet.

"I mean, guess I shoulda asked first. Damn," Arin massaged the side of his neck where Brian had been gripping it. 

"Brian gets possessive," Dan said, facial features riddled with concern. Brian was still glaring at Arin from over Dan's shoulder, Dan continuing, "I should've warned you."

Arin shrugged, "Hey, don't mention it. It was kinda rude of me to just start wandering, anyway, so we're even." Dan seemed a little comforted that Arin wasn't upset or seriously injured, the tension in his shoulders easing. "Brian's piano, then?"

"Yeah, he plays for me during performances here," Dan explained. "Well, not here, here," he gestured to the surrounding room, "like, in the banquet hall and ball room and stuff."

"And only he's allowed to touch it?"

"Well, I've laid on it, on special occasions," Dan said, turning his head to look at Brian. "I'm the only one he allows to do it."

"Must be some special bond you two have."

"Best friends," Dan flashed a bright smile, putting his arm around the ninja, who immediately grabbed and flipped Dan over his shoulder. Dan succumbed to his fate, remaining on the floor in pain and choking out, "We're a legendary team."

"I see that," Arin chuckled as Barry walked to the kitchen in search of water. Brian nudged Dan with his foot, the singer slowly getting up. "And a well known team, at that."

"Yup. What can I say, that stuff's bound to happen when you're as sexy as we are."

"Uh huh," Arin crossed his arms. 

Dan realized his slip up, "I just mean when so many people want to...nope, that's worse. We just make a good pair."

Arin snorted in amusement, "I'll say." 

Barry returned with his drink, saying, "We probably shouldn't stay much longer; it's getting late."

"But you just got here," Dan looked crestfallen. "We've got a spare room if you want to stay."

Brian wiggled his brows, making Arin suspicious. "It's a kind offer..."

"Brian and I won't come in there, on my honor," he held a hand over his heart and thought a moment about what he'd just said. "Er, I mean..."

"I get it, no innuendo meant," Arin waved it off. 

Barry rubbed his chin, "It'd save us the walk back."

Dan pointed to him, "A good point! How will you have the energy to tour the city with us tomorrow otherwise?" he grinned.

"To what?" Arin asked.

"Well, as a sort of welcome thing, and to give us time to chat, Brian and I thought it'd be a good idea to bring you on a tour of the city tomorrow. It'd be a good way to learn more about each other."

"He's got a point," Barry said.

Arin whispered, "Whose side are you on?"

Barry shrugged innocently, Dan asking, "What do you think?" and clasping his hands in front of his chest.

Arin took a deep breath and said, "You know what? A tour sounds like fun. And I guess there's no harm in staying the night."

"Great! I'll give you the grand tour of the apartment," Dan bowed dramatically, sweeping his arm aside, "if you'll follow me."

The tour didn't last all that long, as they could already see everything within the living area. Dan insisted they save going out onto the balcony for last. He led them up the stairs, explaining the origin of his vinyl collection as they went; he'd acquired most of them through his grandmother, Granny Sexbang. Brian bounded off the wall and pushed off it to jump to the second floor, Barry eyeing the ninja with both jealousy and respect. Brian ate up the silent adoration, looking smug as the rest of the group reached the top of the stairs. When Barry arrived on the second floor, Brian fell into step beside him nonchalantly. Dan continued obliviously, showing Arin where the bathroom was, complete with a Jacuzzi and a shower that had three settings: a regular shower head, a rain head, and wall jets. An array of candles lined the edge of the tub, and Arin did not miss the rubber duck hiding among them. Dan was quick to brush over this fact to continue with the tour. He showed them the guest room where he and Barry would be staying, also pointing out the door leading to Brian's room, where no one was allowed. Then he took them to his room. 

Arin wasn't quite sure what he was expecting, though it certainly was more brightly colored than he'd imagined, along with a few more stuffed animals than he'd have pictured. Band posters littered the walls, which wasn't surprising; what Arin did find interesting was how old some of the bands were, ranging from Def Leppard to Rush to Nirvana. He was impressed there were no pictures of naked people anywhere to be found. Dan's blue suit was proudly displayed on a mannequin in the back corner, right next to a table with a unicorn horn headband, which Arin didn't particularly wish to know the purpose of. There was a desk littered with papers full of song lyrics in the corner opposite the blue suit. What Arin found most interesting about the room was the fact that Dan's bed was circular, and it had a thin veil hanging above it which draped down over the bed in a conical shape, giving it a nest-like feel. 

Dan said, "It's not much, but it's home," with a small smile, keeping his thumbs hooked in the pockets of his pants.

Arin was too busy admiring the room to respond, so Barry said, "Not much? Dude, this place is awesome!"

Dan blushed, "Aw, thanks. We've worked hard to get here."

"Yeah, you must have," Arin said softly, still looking around. Dan was continually proving him wrong. The biting comment he'd made the previous day left Arin's stomach in a knot; he felt guilty for being so quick to judge him. 

Dan rubbed a hand through his hair, blushing more heavily, "It took awhile, for sure. Talk about humble beginnings, right Brian?"

When he turned for affirmation from the ninja, he and Arin witnessed Brian slowly reach an arm around Barry's shoulders. The latter didn't notice the hand until Brian had actually made contact with him. Barry jumped in surprise and instinctively slapped at Brian's hand, the ninja easily pulling it away before the samurai could actually touch it. When the two noticed Dan and Arin staring, Brian casually look a large step away from Barry and nodded in reference to Dan's question.

Dan said, "Yeeeah. But that's a long story, probably better suited for sitting down in the hot tub or in front of the fire with some drinks."

"I'll take your word for it, but not tonight," Arin said. "For now, you probably need to rest after your show."

Dan stretched his arms over his head, the sleeves of his kimono sliding down, "Yeah, it was a long shift. We won't keep you up if you want to go to bed, as promised."

Arin nodded, "I think we may as well. Like you said, we need energy for the tour."

"That you do, it's a big place," Dan smiled. "Well, sweet dreams," he added.

Arin said, "Good night, and thanks for the hospitality," as Brian trailed a finger down Barry's cheek slowly, Barry brushing the hand away with a confused expression.

"Yeah, sure thing," Dan said, waving as Arin and Barry left the room. Barry shut the door behind them, and as soon as it was shut, Brian elbowed Dan in the side. Dan blushed, "What?" Brian wiggled his brows. "Just because he likes my room doesn't change anything between us, man. We gotta take this on his terms."

Brian shrugged and moved to sit cross-legged on the bed as Dan shed his robe, which had been covering a set of sheep-patterned flannel pajamas. Dan grabbed a teddy bear to hug as he sat across from Brian and repeated, "His terms."

~~~

In the morning, the scent of breakfast wafted up to the two bedrooms, waking their inhabitants. Barry was the first one out of the guest room, rubbing an eye as Dan left his room at the same time. Dan called, "Thanks, Brian," to the ninja cooking below. "Do you take coffee?" he added.

Barry said, "Oh, uh," caught off guard by the fact that Brian apparently also cooked, "yeah. Me and Arin both."

"He still asleep?" Dan asked.

Barry simply yawned and nodded, jabbing a thumb over his shoulder towards the door as he trudged towards the bathroom. Dan watched him go; he was unable to resist the opportunity, creeping into the guest room where he could still hear faint snores. He peered into the room, gentle morning light entering through the cracks in the curtains and highlighting the unconscious warrior sprawled over the bed. Dan covered his mouth to stifle a giggle; it was endearing to see such a different side of Arin. The usually composed and serious man was uncharacteristically messy, from his mussed up hair to the way the blankets around him were utterly tangled to the point Dan assumed Barry hadn't had any sheets for most of the night. Dan backed out of the room to let him continue sleeping and headed downstairs, bouncing into the kitchen.

Brian was busy frying eggs and pancakes in a "kiss the chef" apron, the coffee pot bubbling and sputtering as it brewed. It didn't take long for Barry to follow Dan's lead, entering the kitchen and rubbing sleep from his eyes. "Wow," he said upon spotting the ninja, "you know how to treat guests."

Dan said, "We've had quite a bit of practice. Arin's not a morning person, I take it?"

Barry snorted, "He'll be out for at least another hour. I don't think he's slept much at all the last few nights. You should've heard him raving over how comfortable the mattress was last night, though."

"Really?" Dan grinned.

"Psh, yeah. Guy was out like a light," he said, taking a seat at the island and watching Brian pour him a mug of coffee. "Thanks," he said, Brian nodding and turning back to the stove. Barry read the mug, which said, 'I have a dig bick,' beneath which said, 'You that read wrong,' followed by an even smaller, 'You read that wrong, too.' Barry narrowed his eyes but added some cream to the coffee before taking a sip.

Dan said, "I hope his breakfast doesn't get cold."

"He can make himself some eggs or something," Barry said. "Arin makes some bitchin' eggs."

"We'll have to try 'em someday," Dan said decisively as he poured himself a glass of chocolate milk. 

"He'd be happy to make them for you. It's the one thing he shows off for."

Dan sat beside him, "Really? He only takes pride in his eggs?"

"Well, no," Barry said, glancing to the second floor to make sure Arin hadn't woken. "He takes pride in his work--we both do. But he doesn't let it show, least not around other people. He's a pretty humble guy."

"I could tell. Seems like he's got some walls built up."

"For his own reasons," Barry nodded, taking a sip. "I'll let him tell you about that, though. It's not something I should divulge."

"I'm not pressuring," Dan raised his hand from the counter as a show of peace before thoughtfully taking a drink of milk. 

About ten minutes later, as Brian began dishing out plates of pancakes, the door to the guest room opened to a disheveled Arin, who blinked groggily and walked to the bathroom, scratching his ass. Dan mumbled, "He's a completely different person in the morning."

Barry grinned, "Yep, that's about right."

It took another couple minutes for Arin to actually leave the bathroom, saying, "Don't go in there," as he left and came downstairs. 

"Noted," Barry said, beginning to tear into a blueberry pancake that he only just then realized had the shape of a dick organized with the fruits. 

Dan tried not to look amused at how disgusted Brian looked. Dan said, "We'll just douse the place in air freshener, later. It's fine."

"Still, sorry about that, but business is business," Arin said, joining them at the island. Brian grudgingly slid him a cup of coffee; this mug read 'Pillow Princess.' Arin didn't take note, adding sugar and cream before taking a drink and humming in appreciation. "S'good shit."

Dan said, "Brian brews a mean mug. Sleep well?"

"Extremely," Arin said, sounding surprised. "It's like...shitloads better than the one in our hotel room."

Barry asked, "As many shitloads as you just gave?"

"Yeah!" Arin said. Dan laughed, not expecting Arin to so readily go along with Barry's quip. Arin started to laugh as well, continuing, "I'm serious, it's way more fuckin' comfy."

"Well, thank you," Dan said, "I'll pass it on to the managers."

"Please do, tell them I want to buy their mattress."

"Sure thing, buddy," Dan smiled, keeping his eyes on Arin as he took a drink. Arin chuckled and began to calm back down, taking a drink of coffee as Brian slid a chocolate chip pancake in front of him. Arin doused it in syrup as Dan snapped out of his admiration. "So, who's ready to take on the city?"

The four men stayed out for the majority of the day. Dan hadn't been lying--there was a lot to see. Dan mostly pointed out what some buildings were from the outside, only taking them in to a few theaters he'd performed at. They made a lap through a park in the center of the city where families were out for picnics and people ran with dogs and children flew battling drones. They stopped for lunch at a pizzeria, deciding to get two larges: a pepperoni and a taco pizza. Afterward, Dan took them to the shopping strip that Arin and Barry had wasted time in the night before. Arin insisted they stop back in to the glass shop so he could make another purchase, but he kept it in its paper bag and didn't reveal it to any in the group, no matter how much Dan begged to see it.

By the time they were making their way back to Dan's apartment, it was around five in the afternoon. Dan heavily suggested that Brian ought to show Barry the ball room, and the ninja only somewhat reluctantly agreed, as he always grew nervous leaving Dan to his own devices. Nonetheless, he took Barry for a tour of the rest of their building as Arin accompanied Dan back to the suite. Arin set his bag from the glass shop on the coffee table in the living room, seating himself on the couch. "Whew, that was a long ass day. But," he turned to watch Dan hop on one leg, attempting to pull his shoe off, "it was a lot of fun. I'll give you that."

"I'm glad," Dan replied, finally managing to yank his foot free. He tossed it aside and began the process with the other shoe, "At least now you don't have as much chance to get lost."

"Definitely," Arin agreed, watching as Dan strolled over to sit on the couch beside him. He was uncertain why, but sitting on a couch next to Dan had a comforting, almost familiar feeling. Which was odd, as they'd never met previously to this. He shrugged it off, asking, "Am I the only one that's noticed Brian's fancy for Barry?"

"His what?" Dan asked with a chuckle. 

"You know, the flirting. You can't have missed all that; an hour ago, Brian practically grabbed Barry's ass."

"He was just trying to stop Barry from tripping. But I do know what you mean. Brian's just like that, he doesn't mean anything by it. He does it to me all the time." Arin raised his brows, prompting Dan to clarify, "No, no, we're not...we're best friends, but no."

"I wasn't gonna judge," Arin said simply.

Dan made a small smile at that, "I'm glad to hear it."

Arin took a deep breath and leaned back, folding his hands over his stomach, "So I've got a question."

"Shoot," Dan said, folding his legs onto the couch and turning to face the other man.

"Those clone projection guys you had before. You said that chip thing helped read your mind and project images, but how come it hasn't been doing that stuff, like, all day? I mean, I'm constantly thinking, so how does that work?"

Dan giggled, "Well it's hardly like it's embedded in my skull. I just took it off; it's in my room."

"That...does make a lot of sense."

"I can go grab it, if you wanted me to demonstrate something."

"No, I was just...actually, um," he said in thought, looking away.

"Yeah?" Dan asked as he leaned forward, Arin perking his interest.

Arin blew out a breath slowly, saying, "It'd actually be kinda...neat to hear you sing with them again. I've never seen anything like it, and you really do have a great voice."

Dan beamed, "Yeah, absolutely! Be right back." He leapt from the couch and practically sprinted up the stairs. Arin fiddled with the ring on his finger that allowed he and Barry to create portals through time, rotating one of the number wheels back and forth. He looked back up when Dan nearly fell down the stairs, catching himself at the bottom before jogging back to the living room. "Do you have a song request?" he panted, sticking the circular device to his temple.

"Er, not really. Something slow, I guess."

"Well, there's actually a song I've been working on. It's part of my comedy band, though."

Arin reminded himself he was here to give Dan a chance, and that this was his passion, so he said, "Sure, why not. I'll give it a shot."

Dan grinned, Arin's own positive energy soaring as he felt Dan's excitement grow. He began with the words, "Laaady I," and paused, a clone appearing to harmonize as they both sang, "have been told that you only date nice guys." Here, a third quickly followed by a fourth clone appeared to add new harmonies to the lines, "Well if that's how you judge a lover's worth, your ass just hit pay dirt. I'm the most sensitive man on God's green eeearth." Arin had to admit, the sound was beautiful, and Dan kept a respective distance. The original Dan continued, "Here's a rose bouquet," before conjuring up the image of a bundle of roses to hold out towards Arin, "I also baked you some fresh crème brûlée. Now, mount this stallion and we shall ride, while also flying kites. Make love inside a rainbow through the niiight." Arin had just about asked him to stop before Dan hit the chorus, "And after sex, I'll cryyy," which made Arin laugh. Dan was spurned on by the positive reaction, continuing the repetition of the drawn out word 'cry'. Arin continued laughing as the clones so artfully sang, "And also before sex I'll cryyy." Dan stopped after the last repetition of 'cry' was done, the clones fading out.

"Okay," Arin said, wiping a tear of mirth from his eye, "that was actually hilarious."

"You think?" Dan said. Arin was fairly positive if the singer smiled any wider he'd hurt the muscles in his cheeks. "I'm still working on the second half."

"I don't think I'd be much help there, but maybe I could try."

"Your suggestions would be welcome," Dan said. "We've got a little time now to-" He was cut off by the elevator door dinging, signifying Brian and Barry's return.

Arin said, "We'll find time, eventually," softly and turned to greet the two sidekicks as they entered the apartment.

"Yeah," Dan said, losing the tone of joy, "eventually." As he sat still watching Arin, who was now turned away from him, a faded clone briefly projected behind Dan, reaching its hand toward the warrior before flickering out of existence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i almost forgot to post this bc i was very busy catching gen 3 pokemon today  
> ps my fellow pogo players gen 3 came out!!  
> also i promise we'll get into some action shortly; this isn't a fic all about domestic fluff, though there's plenty for fluff to be had i assure you ;)  
> also also i know i really skimmed over the day in the city--i'm not great at writing that stuff and i didn't want it to drag on and on and on


	6. Party of Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> has anyone noticed a trend to my titles all of a sudden? it's totally not bc i recently decided to borrow nsp song titles or anything halfway through the plot pffft what naw

Brian was clearly oblivious to stepping in on Dan and Arin's alone time, or he knew full well what he'd done and had no remorse for the pair. Barry seemed to be leaning more towards oblivious, telling Arin with excitement about the amenities the hotel had to offer. "And dude, you should have seen the rock climbing room. It was huge! We need to try it sometime."

"Yeah, totally," Arin nodded politely. Dan found himself going between quietly listening to Barry and watching the back of Arin's head. He was certainly happy for the samurai, but he was upset with Brian for not getting the hint to keep Barry away longer so that he could attempt to get to know Arin on a personal level. He guess he should have expected as much--Brian had always been the greedy sort, wanting to keep Dan's friendship to himself.

As Barry continued raving about the hotel, Dan slapped a hand to his head, "Oh shit!" He checked his watch and jumped off the couch into a stand, "I completely forgot I had a show tonight!"

Arin promptly stopped listening to Barry in exchange for looking to Dan, "Is it nearby?"

"Just up the road, but I'm probably going to be late," Dan groaned. "It was such a last minute deal. Brian, can you go ahead and tell them I'm on my way?"

Brian nodded curtly and disappeared in a puff of smoke. Barry started, mumbling, "You think you'd get used to that..."

"Nope," Dan said, running for the stairs. 

Arin stood as Dan ran upstairs. He asked, "What kind of show is it?"

"Not the stripper variety," Dan called back down as he threw open his bedroom door to change. 

Arin raised a brow, "So...normal music?"

"Yeah," Dan replied, his voice muffled, "you're welcome to come along."

Arin exchanged a look with Barry, who shrugged. "Sure, I'd like to see that."

Dan ran back out of his room, his blue suit only half on as he almost crashed into the railing in excitement, leaving his chest exposed. "Really?" he asked.

"Dude, calm down, and put your shirt...suit...on. We can go get dinner or something after."

"Sure!" Dan chirped, wrestling with the arms of his suit to pull it the rest of the way on. "Come on, Brian's probably already got a ride waiting."

The party made their way downstairs as fast as the elevator would take them. As expected, Brian had in fact somehow flagged down a limo for them, and they piled in before it took them to the venue. Dan arranged for Arin and Barry to be seated at a table close to the stage before he split off to run backstage, leaving the warriors to find their way to their seats. They were in a vast dining hall. A blue hue filled the room, and on the floor was a slowly moving image of underwater light waves. Near the ceiling, projections of fish swam elegantly through the air, and the lights were upside-down coral trees. Arin could only imagine the kind of music they'd be listening to with this sort of environment. 

When the lights dimmed, the crowd applauded and whistled, the noise growing when the object of their affections appeared in a spotlight. Arin noticed a key difference between this crowd and the one he'd first witnessed Dan sing to. Whereas the clientele of the strip joint were younger and far more rambunctious, this crowd was a little older and infinitely more mature, most in suits and dresses, making Arin feel horribly out of place. Dan sat on a stool, and the crowd actually went back to their dinner conversations rather than remain enraptured by the singer. Arin's eyes, however, remained on stage, briefly making eye contact with Dan, who gave him a grin before music began to play. He sang "Wish You were Here," along with "Rocket Man," and "Everybody Wants to Rule the World." Arin was enraptured; Dan was almost hypnotic. He looked completely at ease, as if he was meant for nothing else in the world, and Arin respected his talent.

By the time dinner was almost over, there was one final surprise in store for the audience. A white grand piano was rolled on stage, Ninja Brian already seated at it. As the crowd applauded out of courtesy, Arin didn't notice he was leaning forward, curiosity for the final song eating away at him.

A hush fell over the crowd after a glare from Ninja Brian silenced them. Brian turned back to the piano and gave a questioning brow raise to Dan, who nodded and stood. Brian began playing a slow melody, the piano the only accompanying instrument to Dan's vocals as he sang, " _When the mellow moon begins to beam, every night I dream a little dream. And of course Prince Charming is the theme: the he for me._ " Arin had a funny feeling he knew who the song was aimed at, but Dan wasn't looking at him, continuing, " _Although I realize as well as you, it is seldom that a dream comes true, to me it's clear that he'll appear._ " Arin felt butterflies in his stomach--the song was most definitely for someone.

Dan leaned back on the piano, singing, " _Some day he'll come along: the man I love. And he'll be big and strong: the man I love. And when he comes my way, I'll do my best to make him stay. He'll look at me and smile,_ " he wrapped an arm around himself as he grinned, " _I'll understand, and in a little while, he'll take my hand; and though it seems absurd, I know we both won't say a word,_ " Dan's eyes finally opened, falling directly on Arin, who hadn't blinked throughout the performance. " _Maybe I shall meet him Sunday, maybe Monday, maybe not. Still I'm sure to meet him one day; maybe Tuesday will be my good news day. He'll build a little home just meant for two, from which I'll never roam. Who would - would you? And so all else above,_ " Dan trailed the word as he lay back on the piano, finishing with, " _I'm waiting for the man I love._ " As the final word trailed off, Arin didn't miss the brief, faint image of a man laying beside Dan on the piano: himself. He joined the rest of the audience in applauding the performance, standing before his brain could even complete making the executive decision to do so. Much of the audience followed suit, Barry giving Arin a knowing smirk as he stood as well. Dan blushed at the standing ovation, beaming as he got off the piano and waved, accompanying Brian in removing the piano.

Arin shortly realized he hadn't eaten any of his food throughout the night, being too distracted with listening to Dan sing. He got a to-go box and slipped back outside with Barry, many of the guests not leaving at the same time, allowing for an easy exit. They had to wait a few minutes for Dan to meet them. He was still smiling from ear to ear when he found them. He asked, "What'd you think?"

"I'm glad we came," Arin replied, matching his grin. "Great job tonight, man. I think it was worth their wait."

"Good, I kind of picked those songs at random," Dan kicked a foot bashfully, scuffing the ground lightly. Brian's brows both shot up, contradicting what Dan claimed, but Dan ignored him. "I'm glad you came tonight, too."

Barry mumbled, "We're all happy to come," while making half-hearted jazz hands.

Dan snorted, covering his mouth and saying, "When it's a party of four, anything can happen."

Arin said, "Alright, let's not go there, please. How about we head back to your place?"

Dan looked surprised, "Are...you considering spending another night with us?"

"I'd hate to intrude," Arin quickly said.

"Not at all; we love the company."

Barry looked between them and said, "Actually, Arin, you can go on and stay with them. There's some stuff from our era I wanted to check up on in our hotel."

Arin somehow missed the implication, asking, "You sure?"

"Yeah. Besides, you hoarded all the sheets last night, you blanket whore," he punched Arin's shoulder. "I would've been freezing half the night if you didn't emit so much damn body heat."

"I do sweat a lot," Arin nodded thoughtfully. 

"Yeah, it's disgusting. So you go on and hog the bed you love more than me."

"Maybe I will," Arin said, snapping his fingers in a sassy Z form. 

"I know you will," Barry retorted.

Arin shook his head and chuckled, "Well, we'll miss you, Bare."

"Not as much as I'll miss you," Barry put a dramatic hand over his heart.

Dan jumped in to say, "You know, Brian could walk you home if you want the company."

Brian shook his head at Dan rapidly, but Barry said, "If he's up to it, then sure. It's a long journey, though; I don't know if he'll want to."

Brian glared at him, unable to resist the temptation to prove Barry wrong. He signed something to Dan, the latter saying, "He said he'd love to!" Brian clapped a hand to his forehead, as that definitely isn't what he'd said, but he knew Dan wouldn't pass on the message, so he snatched Barry's hand and began to lead the way.

Arin watched them go before Dan said, "Hurry, go, go," and ushered him into a limo. 

"What's with the rush?"

"We don't have much time," Dan replied simply.

"Not much time--ooohhh," Arin said, finally understanding that the three had just worked in tandem to get him alone with Dan. While he might have been bothered by that the first day, now he found it refreshing.

Dan blushed again, shifting in his seat, "Yeah. I hope you don't mind."

Arin offered him a small smile, "Not at all." Dan grinned back, relaxing as the limo carried them home. As they entered the elevator back up to Dan's apartment, Arin asked, "So, did you uh...forget to take off your projector thingy before the show?"

Dan paused, asking, "My what?" after a moment.

"At the end of that last song, there was um...a clone of yours on the piano."

"Was there?" Dan immediately put a hand to his temple, feeling the metal circle. He jumped, "Oh, fuck, wow, that could've...I mean, I'm lucky it didn't...fall off?" he said, clearly flustered. Arin was simply glad he bought the white lie it had been a clone of Dan on the piano behind him. Dan chuckled nervously, "I can't believe I forgot to...wow," he combed his fingers through his hair.

"Dude, it's alright. The only projection I saw was at the very end."

"That could've been distracting," Dan said with a nervous giggle, taking it off slowly and putting it in his pocket as the elevator door dinged and opened. Dan briskly led the way, and Arin had to try not to chuckle at how embarrassed he was. Arin sat himself on the couch as Dan went to the kitchen to bring them two waters. He set one on the coffee table in front of Arin before taking a seat, folding one leg up over his other knee. 

"It really was a stunning performance tonight, though," Arin said, reaching for his water and taking a sip.

Dan's face instantly turned red, refusing to meet Arin's eyes as he stuttered, "I-I'm glad you liked it. I-I just..." he forced himself to slow down, "I wanted you to see not all my performances are about me flaunting my body and stuff, so...I'm really happy you came along."

"It was well worth it. I feel like I learned a lot about you," Arin smiled gently.

Dan swallowed as he met Arin's gaze, the red tint not leaving his cheeks as he casually moved a pillow over his lap. His voice cracked as he replied, "That's good."

Arin laughed at the squeak Dan's mouth had somehow produced, reveling in the affect he had on the other man but finding it endearing all the same. "But really, Danny," Arin said, Dan's eyes widening at the nickname like he'd been handed a puppy, "I know you're...used to taking things faster than I am. Like way faster. But I admit, I was wrong about you. And I think," he emphasized this by placing a hand on Dan's shoulder, which didn't help the poor man, "given a little more time, maybe we can work something out."

Dan experienced a moment convinced he was in a dream, snapping out of it when he realized he wasn't breathing and he had to draw in a shaky breath. His heart was racing, and he wasn't even sure how to formulate a proper response.

Arin said, "Uh, dude, are you okay?" giving his shoulder a gentle shake.

Dan nodded, at last finding his voice to ask, "I'm just...you really think so?"

"I really think so," Arin said softly. "You're a good guy."

Dan's smile grew, and he at last couldn't contain himself any longer. He flung himself forward and pulled Arin into a hug, saying, "Thank you," as he snuggled into Arin's shoulder, hoping he wasn't crossing a line.

Arin, however, seemed perfectly alright with it. He not only accepted the hug but returned it, patting Dan's back and ruffling his hair when he drew away. Dan left it mussed up as Arin said, "I'm gonna run to the bathroom real quick."

"Yeah, yeah, sure," Dan said, still on cloud nine just from the embrace. Arin didn't walk away in time for Dan not to notice that his cheeks were now also pink. Dan watched Arin ascend the stairs and enter the bathroom, collapsing over the couch when Arin had shut the door.

Arin took care of his business and slipped his portal ring off his finger to wash his hands, which happened to be exactly when his phone rang. He saw it was from Barry and picked it up, pinching it between his shoulder and cheek to ask, "What's up?"

"Get over here, now," Barry said, voice fully serious.

Arin frowned, "Why, what's wrong?"

"I ran some data you're gonna want to see," Barry replied. "I was doing a routine check with our computer back from our era; we have another code red."

"Shit," Arin said under his breath, shaking his hands dry and moving for the door. He grabbed the phone and said, "I'll be there soon as I can," as he started down the stairs.

Dan sat up with a concerned look, "Is everything okay?"

"No, I mean...I don't know, Barry wasn't specific, but I'm sorry, I have to go."

Dan pouted, "Really?"

"Yeah," Arin said, the broken look on Dan's face making his stomach knot. "Hopefully it won't take long to resolve, but I'll come back when it's taken care of."

"Promise?"

Arin nodded, "Promise." They held each others' eyes as Arin got into the elevator, only looking away when the door had separated them.

Dan took a deep breath and sighed it out loudly, draping himself over the couch again. That's when he noticed the paper bag still sitting on the table from their earlier excursion into the city. He sat up, glancing to the elevator again. Arin hadn't told any of them what it was. He knew he probably shouldn't, but now that Arin was gone, what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him. Dan grabbed the bag and unrolled the top, reaching his hand inside and grabbing the paper-wrapped contents.

He unraveled the paper to reveal a dazzling glass unicorn. Dan's mouth hung open; this couldn't be coincidence, but how would Arin have known he loved unicorns? He ran his finger gingerly along the delicately pulled mane, admiring the golden horn and hooves. The figurine was rearing up on its hind legs, the tail sweeping down and pooling to create a third leg for the statue to stand on. Dan's eyes welled up with tears--it was beautiful. He covered his mouth with a hand as he continued admiring it, not setting it down even for the duration it took for Ninja Brian to appear sitting silently beside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song dan sang for the finale is called "the man i love", i used the George Gershwin version, no idea if that's the original or what but i looked up songs with just piano and vocals and there you have it, i had to use this one because reasons ;)


	7. Time Travel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i recently was out on the town and while i was shopping, i heard not one, not two, but _three_ songs playing on the store radios that Dan had made covers of. at that moment, I knew: it was a sign to update this fic

After Dan cried for a good thirty minutes, Brian trying and failing to calm him down, he finally settled down enough to stand and carry the glass figurine to his room. He clutched it close to his chest, using the utmost care not to drop it; he didn't know what he'd do with himself if he broke it. He set it on his nightstand and laid down on his side to continue looking at it. Brian joined him shortly after Dan was situated. The ninja seated himself on the other side of Dan's bed, facing him. Dan was still overwhelmed with joy; while he knew he had already been smitten, it was nothing compared to the love he felt for Arin now. 

"He got me a unicorn," Dan said more to himself, though he meant for Brian to hear it. Brian nodded, tapping Dan's shoulder to grab his attention.

When Brian managed to get Dan to take his eyes off the figurine, he signed, _I'm sure he would be glad you've taken such a strong liking to it._

Dan asked, "Brian, are you jealous?"

Brian frowned, _You've never acted this way when I've given you a gift._

"That's because your gifts are like how cats bring their owners mice. I told you I don't have space in here for all the dead bodies, buddy." Brian set a hand over his chest in offense. Dan quickly said, "I mean, I know you don't only bring home dead people! Like uh...that throwing star you used to kill that guy who cheated on me was pretty...nice."

Brian crossed his arms. Dan said, "Well what was I supposed to do with it?" Brian pouted, turning his head away. Dan said, "Come on, look, I'm sorry. I really did appreciate the throwing star. That one meant a lot. You only mean to look out for me."

Brian nodded and signed, _Seems I'm not the only one, anymore._

Dan said, "Please for the love of God tell me you're not going to kill Arin?"

Brian rolled his eyes and shook his head. Dan sighed, "Good," and turned back to the unicorn, gingerly rubbing its nose with his pointer finger. "What does this mean, though? He didn't give it to me right away. What if it's not even meant for me?"

Brian shrugged, tapping Dan again before signing, _I do not think it isn't meant for you. He wanted to make reparations._

Dan narrowed his eyes, "Did you tell him I liked unicorns?" Brian simply pointed to the stuffed unicorn horn headband than Dan had hanging next to the coat rack for his blue suit. "Oh, yeah," Dan mumbled, "sorry. I shouldn't have accused you." Brian inclined his head by way of forgiveness. Dan sat up and crossed his legs, "Well, I guess all that's left to do now is wait for whatever business they have to be over."

Brian jerked a thumb towards the door. Dan said, "Yeah, you can whip up some dinner. I'll be down in a bit."

Brian nodded and rolled off the bed, jumping over the railing and disappearing to the lower level. Dan rocked back and forth as he studied the unicorn for a few extra moments before finally tearing himself away to use the bathroom.

He shut the door behind him and whistled as he took care of business. When he went to wash his hands, he had begun to scrub his palms together when an item on the counter gave him pause. He recognized it as Arin's ring. He dried his hands quickly and picked it up, giving it a closer inspection, as he'd always been somewhat curious about it. He noticed it had small numbers etched in fine rows along it. He tilted his head and experimentally tried to spin some of the rows, resulting in his discovery that the numbers could be adjusted.

He grinned and bounced on his toes, shouting, "Brian!" before running to the stairwell. Brian looked over his shoulder from the kitchen in curiosity as Dan continued, "I think I found Arin's time travel ring." Brian raised both his brows. "No, I didn't try to activate it...yet." Brian made a frantic set of gestures that implied Dan should put it back. "Oh come on, if this really does work, even if they come back, we can just transport ourselves back to this moment before they do. It'll be like we never left."

Brian looked uncertain, turning back to look at the kitty-themed cupcakes he'd been preparing. "You can finish baking later. Besides, I have an idea." Brian set his hands on his hips, implying 'what could be more important than cat cupcakes?' 

"Oh, I'll tell you," Dan said, glad he was already in his blue suit as he descended the stairs. "Brian, what's the one place you've always wanted to go?" Brian made a sign, and Dan said, "Wh...Nova Scotia? No, not...think broader." Brian made another sign. "No," Dan groaned, "not 'Canada, eh.' I meant time-wise. If you could pick a year, where would you want to go?"

Brian rubbed his chin. Dan grinned and nodded, "Yeah, you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?"

Brian excitedly made a sign. Dan clapped a hand to his forehead, "Brian, we're not going to ancient Japan so you can pick up extra authentic weaponry. We can do that later. Before that," he began adjusting the numbers on the ring, "I've got something in mind." Before Brian could ask, Dan had set the year on the ring to 6969, pressing a small button he assumed was the portal creating switch. Even after preparing himself for being correct, he still jumped when a line suddenly appeared in midair. Brian put a hand in front of Dan's chest and stepped defensively in front of him as a rift opened, Dan staring in open-mouthed awe as the time-space continuum tore itself open to make a portal. "Woooah," Dan said, clutching Brian's shoulders and hopping in place, "can we please go? Please please pleeease?"

Brian took a deep breath and pat Dan's hand in submission, taking out a knife anyway before stepping into the portal. Dan squealed in delight, saying, "I bet it's like...a billion-person orgy in an ocean of whipped cream!" before hopping through after his companion, the rift stitching itself shut behind him.

Dan was beaming when he stepped through time, only feeling a slight tingling sensation as they finished teleporting. He looked around, and as soon as his elation had come to him, it was gone. They were in a city, but it was practically deserted except for a couple bystanders who were all in clothing that was extremely modest. Men and women alike were dressed in turtlenecks and full-length pants, and none of them were standing within three feet of one another. The gray sky complemented the atmosphere of the streets, which were practically devoid of color or anything invigorating. 

"What the...?" Dan's brow furrowed. Brian stepped in front of Dan again as a four-legged machine with red and blue lights mounted on its head walked itself down the street towards them. It was the size of a bus, its heavily armored legs looking crab-like as it roamed. Every few steps, a beam of light scanned the road in front of it, highlighting items like litter and the people it passed by. Dan didn't miss the fact that the people on the sidewalks carefully kept a good distance from it. In fact, they scurried to stay away from it. "What is this place?" Dan mumbled. Brian quickly shooed Dan in the opposite direction of the robot, Dan taking the ninja's lead. 

When they were safely away from the mechanic police force, Dan said, "Bri, we have to find out what's going on here." 

Brian signed, _Maybe we should go back._

"No, I...I don't want Arin to know we used his ring. What if we weren't supposed to?" Brian gave him a look, so Dan said, "Okay, I know I was reckless and spontaneous, but now we've got a mission. We've got to find out who's in charge of this place." Brian rubbed a hand over his eyes but nodded, pointing to a red-headed woman that was walking away from them. 

Dan called, "Hey, miss? Excuse me," as he gave chase. The woman paused and turned around, blinking several times at the way Dan was dressed. Dan was only happy she stopped to wait for them. When they began stepping within five feet of her, she began backing away.

She hissed, "What do you two think you're doing? Are you trying to get yourselves killed?"

"Well, uh, actually, we're kinda new around here. We're tourists, I guess?" Dan looked to Brian for confirmation. Brian nodded and shrugged, so Dan continued, "We were hoping you could tell us who's in charge here."

She raised a brow, looking torn between staying to tell them and running. She settled with, "Are...are you serious?"

"Yeah," Dan replied patiently.

She looked between the two of them before saying, "It's...the Council."

"Council?"

"The Council of Dick Elders."

Dan snorted, his giggle turning into a full-blown laugh in seconds. Brian didn't laugh, though Dan could tell he was amused. When the woman didn't also laugh, Dan took a few steady breaths before asking, "Really? There's a council of Dick Elders?"

"Yes, and they're going to arrest you two if you don't tone it down. They despise the idea of anything that could inspire...well, feelings."

"...Feelings?"

"You know..." she looked around to ensure no police machines were around before whispering, "sexual attraction."

Dan's face scrunched in confusion, looking to Brian, who looked equally surprised. "Okay," Dan said, setting his hands on his hips, "where can I find them?"

"Kind of hard to miss," she replied, pointing down the street to where a large, dick-shaped building was sticking into the sky. 

Dan choked on his own saliva and covered his mouth. "Oh," was all he managed to get out. "Right. Well, thank you, miss?"

"Kristen," she said with a small smile. "And...whatever you're planning, good luck, I guess."

"Thanks!" Dan chirped. "Come on, Brian! The council awaits!" He immediately took off at a run down the sidewalk, being followed by Brian, who stopped after Dan had to stop to catch his breath after only about twenty seconds. 

They made their way to the heart of the city, eventually standing outside the Council's building. Dan asked, "You think they take walk-ins?" Brian simply stared flatly at him. Dan sighed, "Alright, you're right. That was dumb." He shook his head as they made their way into the building.

Contrary to what Dan was expecting, the door actually opened directly into a vast, almost silo-shaped room, except for the two bulging walls at the base. Directly in front of them, a tall podium stood stretching at least thirty feet into the air. Seated at it were five figures, all wearing dark, hooded robes. They hushed when the door opened, turning towards the intruders.

"Erm...excuse me, Dick Elders?" Dan said with confidence, setting his hands on his hips.

"What do you want?" the central figure rasped.

"Well, uh..." Dan looked to Brian for support. Brian clapped a hand to his shoulder briefly and gave him a thumbs-up before going back to crossing his arms, looking stoic. Dan said, "I know that people probably don't usually approach you like this."

"Not really, no."

"Well then...I'll get to the point. What sort of town are you running here?" Dan asked, losing his air of professionalism. "This place sucks balls! It's like you don't even let people have sex."

The center figure stood, "How dare you utter that word in our court room!"

"...Sex?" Dan asked, causing the hooded figures to throw another fit.

"Stop saying that!" the main figure snapped.

"Sorry, I guess? But how am I supposed to complain about not having...the s word when that's my main complaint?"

The figures hushed, the only one who had spoken so far saying, "You...you're Ninja Sex Party."

"Oh, we're known around here, too?" Dan asked, perking up at the mention of their band.

"We knew this day would come," he said, pressing a button on their desk. "Guards, sound the alarm!"

Dan's expression fell, "Wait, what?" Before he had the chance to say anything more, the man lowered his hood. Dan's breath caught in his throat. No, it couldn't be. It had to be someone else.

"If people have sex they'll break a thousand-year enforced abstinence," Arin said. "We will not allow that to happen."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohoho, our first major twist! though not really if you knew the song i'm sure this was obvious


	8. In Your Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'know when you get head colds and only one nostril gets plugged up but it still somehow drips and your nose gets rubbed raw by the sheer amount of kleenex you need to blow your nose with? yeah that's me right now so what better time than to use my bed-ridden self to update some fics, weeee!

Dan's throat felt dry. He couldn't move, even as sirens blared around them. He barely registered the fuming rage of Brian beside him, the ninja shaking with the self-restraint he was using not to kill Arin on the spot. Dan locked eyes with the man he loved, the one he thought might also love him, and his hands clenched into fists. No, something wasn't right. The Arin he knew wouldn't do this. This had to be an ancestor or some Arin from another dimension, it had to be. Dan shouted, "Fuck that bullshit! Brian, we can make this right," he clasped the ninja's shoulder. Brian finally looked away from the council to meet Dan's firm gaze, and after studying Dan's expression, he nodded. Dan had only looked so serious one other time in his life.

"Mark my words, Dick Elders," Dan pointed to them, "my dick is a spark of hope that'll spark a revolution in this world!" He then changed the point to a middle finger.

Arin said, "You're welcome to try," as men in armor wielding guns began pouring into the room from behind the podium. 

It was at that time that the councilman to Arin's right lowered his hood, revealing it to be Barry. Brian was glad he was wearing a mask so that nobody would be able to see the broken expression of betrayal he wore beneath it. Barry said, "We control this planet," coldly, giving no indication of even recognizing the ninja.

"Not for long!" Dan said, knowing it was horribly cliche. He watched Brian punch a guard so hard that he spun backwards and collided with a line of other guards, bowling them all over comedically. "Come on, Brian!" he yelled, sprinting for the door they'd come through. Brian flipped another guard over his shoulder, looking annoyed that he didn't have more time to kick ass but turning to follow him. 

"Stop them!" Arin shouted, the guards firing their laser guns after them, somehow managing to miss every shot. Dan and Brian fled the building as Dan fiddled with the time-travel ring. 

"Come on come on," Dan muttered to himself as they ran, dodging laser beams that continued wildly flying past them. He finally got his home year set and clicked the portal button, a rift opening several feet in front of them. He leaped through, Brian dive rolling into it after him, and Dan began rapidly tapping the button again to close the portal behind them. He stood rooted to the spot for a moment, gathering his bearings. He then began panting, heaving large breaths as he collapsed backwards onto the couch. Brian punched a hole in the nearest wall, shattering a much larger portion than the size of his fist. 

Dan pressed his knuckles to his mouth, clenching his teeth together in the effort not to cry. Brian stomped on the coffee table, effectively cracking it in half before he took hold of one of the legs and yanked it off, throwing it roughly into the fireplace. Dan didn't even notice. He couldn't care less. He tried to keep control over his breathing, realizing he was trembling before he even felt the water running down his cheeks. Brian huffed as he fell back onto the couch besides Danny, setting a hand on his shoulder. Dan set his own over that of his friend, slowly turning his head to look at him after a moment. Brian leaned forward and wrapped him in a hug, the embrace lasting longer than Brian usually allowed before he pulled away and made a gesture. Dan nodded, standing and heading over to the grand piano. In times of great distress, they enjoyed sharing a good duet.

Brian seated himself on the stool before the piano, rubbing a hand over the keyboard cover before folding it up and tucking it back, revealing the splendid array of pearly and onyx keys. Dan respectfully slipped off his shoes before he turned away from the piano, setting his hands on it and lifting himself backwards to be seated on the broad back. He dug his hand into his pocket where his brain-projector was still nestled, sticking to his temple. Laying down, he bent one knee up and clasped his hands over his chest. In another moment, Dan began to hum, and Brian struck the keys to the introduction of the song, "In Your Eyes."

" _Love_ ," he began solo, no clones to accompany him, " _I get so lost, sometimes. Days pass, and this emptiness fills my heart. When I want to run away, I drive off in my car. But whichever way I go, I come back to the place you are._ " As he sang, a projection of Arin faded into existence, standing at the other end of the piano. " _And all my instincts, they return. And the grand facade,_ " Arin's copy was suddenly wearing the dark robe of the Dick Elders, " _so soon will burn. Without a noise, without my pride, I reach out from the inside,_ " Dan stretched a hand out and brought it back towards his heart. When he began the chorus, four clones joined in to sing, " _In your eyes,_ " between Dan's lines. " _The light the heat, in your eyes. I am complete, in your eyes. I see the doorways, in your eyes, of a thousand churches. In your eyes, the resolution, in your eyes, of all the fruitless searches. In your eyes, oh, I see the light and the heat, in your eyes. Oh, I want to be that complete. I want to touch the light, the heat I see in your eyes."_

Dan skipped the second verse in exchange for a lesser known ending to the song he much preferred. " _Accepting all I've done and said, I want to stand and stare again,_ " here, Dan slipped off the piano, and the figure of Arin shed the robe as Brian continued to play. " _'Til there's nothing left out, oh, it remains there, in your eyes. Whatever comes and goes, I will hear your silent cry. I will touch this, tender wall,_ " he reached a hand towards Arin, his hand stopping on an invisible barrier as Arin mirrored the movement. Dan's eyes started tearing up again as he sang, " _'Til I know I'm..._ " Brian had to adjust his music for Dan's breaking vocals, the barrier between Dan and the Arin clone melting away to let Dan step forward and rest his forehead on Arin's, " _hooome agaaain._ " As the final note trailed off, Dan fell to his knees, and Brian hung his head, leaving his hands resting lightly on top of the keys while Arin faded away.

__When at last Dan's breathing came evenly, he shook his head. Not looking up, he said, "It wasn't them."_ _

Brian shook his head in response--he believed it was.

__"No," Dan snarled. "Something was wrong." He stood, asking, "Couldn't you feel it? Something was off about that whole thing."_ _

Brian's shoulders stiffened as he signed, _They didn't expect us to get one of their rings, that's what was off._

__"It wasn't that. Did you see the way he looked at me? He knew who I was, but...he didn't _know_ me. Barry didn't _know_ you." At that mention, Brian kicked out a foot to hit the coffee table again. Dan continued, "We...we have to confront them about it."_ _

_You do know that means admitting you used his ring._

__"If he's who I thought he was, he won't care. He'll have an explanation. There has to be one."_ _

__Brian took a deep breath and looked back at his piano. He didn't want to argue with Dan over this. He felt bad enough that his first true love had turned out to be a Dicktator. He smirked to himself at his own non-verbalized pun before looking back to the singer, who was still watching him with a fixed gaze. Brian mentally compared it to the look Dan had given him back in the councilmen's hall, the firm one of determination that conveyed how far he was willing to go for this, for Arin. How much he was willing to bet that he was right about Arin's heart. This in mind, Brian stood and shut the keyboard cover without taking his eyes off Dan. He nodded curtly. Dan smiled, throwing himself into Brian for a tight hug._ _

__"We'll figure this thing out, buddy."_ _

__~~~_ _

__Kevin, who happened to be managing the front desk when Barry and Arin returned to the hotel, glanced up from his monitor and broke into a smile when he saw who it was. "Oh, Mr. Hanson, Mr. Kramer, welcome back."_ _

__"Kevin, my man," Arin gave the clerk finger guns._ _

__Kevin chuckled, saying, "He's probably waiting for you," before punching a few buttons, the elevator to Dan's suite dinging as the doors slid open. "Should I page him just in case?"_ _

__"Nah, he'll probably like the surprise," Arin replied, patting the desk as he passed it._ _

__Barry said, "I'm sure I'll be back down with Brian in a bit."_ _

__"We'll have the rock climbing tower ready for you, sir," Kevin grinned._ _

__"Thanks," Barry snapped and gave him a finger gun as well before he followed Arin into the elevator. They had stayed out for the remainder of the night trying to trace the source of the alert, but no matter how many ways they tried, they couldn't track it down. By the time they had both given up, it was three in the morning, and Arin didn't want to disturb Dan under the assumption he'd simply gone to bed. The untraceable red alert sat uneasily with both of them, but Arin insisted that Dan deserved to know what had kept him away last night. Not least of all because the potentially fake red alert had deprived him of his opportunity to properly present Dan with his gift._ _

__Barry sighed as he ran his hands over his face. They were both tired from staying up so late, but Arin had pressed for them to leave their hotel before ten o'clock in the morning. Barry said, "Why didn't you just call him?"_ _

__"Because I prefer explaining these things in person," Arin replied shiftily._ _

__Barry snorted, "Yeah, sure."_ _

__"What?" Arin bristled._ _

__"Are you sure it isn't just because you want to spend as much time with Danny as possible?"_ _

__"Oh come on, man. You know me better than that."_ _

__"I'm not an idiot, Arin," Barry said with a soft smile. "I know you've got a thing for him."_ _

__Arin crossed his arms and said, "A very small thing," as his cheeks began to grow rosy._ _

__Barry chuckled, "Don't worry, dude. I won't tell."_ _

__"I mean, he kinda knows," Arin mumbled._ _

__"He what?" Barry asked before the door dinging caught his attention. What neither of them were prepared for was the ninja pointing a katana at them from the other side._ _

__"What's..." Arin began to ask before he heard Dan interject from the living room._ _

__"Brian, I said no swords!" Dan's voice whined. Brian narrowed his eyes but stabbed the sword into the ground, where it stuck up like a flower. He pointed, indicating that they should enter the living room._ _

__Arin was wholly confused but did as instructed, leading the way. When Barry tried to follow, Brian snatched his wrist, holding it with a vice-like grip. Barry frowned, saying, "Arin," with growing concern, but Arin didn't notice the panic in his voice. He was too busy looking at Dan, who stood facing the fireplace. He was dressed in his usual blue uniform, the cape being blown gently by wind from an unknown source._ _

__"What's going on, Dan?" Arin asked, stopping a good distance from him._ _

__Dan replied, "You tell me," without turning around._ _

__"Is this really about last night?" Arin raised a brow. He didn't exactly put it past Dan to throw this big of a fit over being run out on, but he still hadn't been expecting it. "I told you, it was an emergen-"_ _

__"No, it isn't about last night," Dan interrupted thickly._ _

__"Then what?" Arin asked, his fear giving way to irritation. It dissipated the second he saw Dan's face._ _

__Dan finally turned to face him, eyes red and puffy from spending the night trying to sleep and continually waking up in tears. "Who are you?"_ _

__Arin's brow scrunched in confusion, "Wh...what?"_ _

__Dan walked towards him, asking, "Does this jog your memory?" before thrusting his hand out towards Arin's face. Pinched in his fingers was Arin's ring, set to the year 6969._ _

__"How did you..." Arin started asking before reading the set date. He tilted his head, "Did I leave that here?"_ _

__"Yeah, you did. And I admit, I thought it'd be harmless fun to borrow it and take a quick trip. It was a great place until I found out my new best friend runs an evil council of Dick Elders that have stopped people from having sex for centuries!" he threw the ring at Arin's feet. It cluttered to the floor, and Arin was so lost that he didn't bother to pick it up._ _

__"What are you talking about?!" Arin asked in exasperation._ _

__Dan frowned, "You don't know?"_ _

__"No! No, Dan, I don't," Arin set his hands on his hips. "If anything, I'd have thought you'd be the one that ran a council of Dick Elders."_ _

__Dan thought about that for a moment and said, "Huh, you're not wrong."_ _

__"So...wait, you used my ring?" Arin asked._ _

__Dan opened his mouth and shut it again, smiling nervously as he said, "I mean, well...yeah, but we weren't going to stay long. It was just one teensy visit to the sexiest year, or what I thought was going to be the sexiest year."_ _

__"Time travel shouldn't be taken so lightly," Arin groaned. "You could have caused an anomaly."_ _

__"Okay, but before we get into that, you really don't know what I'm talking about?" Dan perked up._ _

__"Daniel," Arin crossed his arms, "what reason would I have to ever even consider travelling to the year 6969? Why would I be there? I told you last night, I went to investigate a red alert, and I stayed in my hotel working with Barry all night to try to track its source. And you know something? We never found it. We still don't know what triggered it, but we were going to work on it more after coming to tell you because I felt bad for leaving you hanging."_ _

__"I knew it!" Dan jumped into the air in celebration, shortly before launching himself forward and wrapping Arin in a hug. Arin jolted with surprise but relaxed enough to hug Dan back, closing his arms around him. When Dan's hair began tickling his nose, Arin snorted and ruffled Dan's mass of hair before pulling back._ _

__In the heat of the moment, wrapped up in his excitement, Dan misinterpreted the reason why Arin's head was moving back to align itself in front of his own. Without giving it second thought, the relief flooding through his system rendering him incapable of doing so, Dan moved a hand behind Arin's head and pulled him into a kiss._ _


	9. Subdivisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i say i would make this ten chapters at most? huh. weird. (it's probably gonna be more than ten i have no self control. at this point i estimate maybe 12)

Arin blinked in surprise, not angry by any means, but also not reciprocating. When Dan realized his mishap, he yelped and jerked back, covering his mouth with both his hands, looking like a deer caught in headlights. Brian, from behind Barry, also had a hand over where his mouth would be in over-dramatic shock. Arin cleared his throat, saying, "You literally just accused me of being a Dick."

"I know I'm sorry I don't know what came over me I was just so happy and relieved and-" Dan shut up when Arin gave him a chaste peck on the cheek.

Dan blushed heavily as Arin said, "It's okay, Dan." An amused smile played at the corner of his lip, "But maybe you ought to give us the whole story." He stooped to pick up his ring and slipped it onto his finger as he straightened back into a stand. 

Dan ran a hand through his hair to tame it, saying, "Right, yeah. This is...well it's gonna sound crazy now, I guess, but we saw you and Barry there." Arin waited patiently for Dan to continue to explain. "At least, they sure as hell looked like you."

Arin nodded, "Hate to break it to you, but it's entirely possible it was me."

Dan's face scrunched in confusion. "Aw, man, you haven't even started started explaining how that's possible and my brain hurts."

"Then let's discuss it over some sodas while sitting down."

"Sounds good," Dan said, gesturing for Brian to grab the beverages. Brian moved wordlessly to the kitchen to rifle in the fridge, bringing back a Root beer, a Coke, a Sprite, and a Mountain Dew. Brian claimed the Coke and sat beside Barry, who took the Sprite. He glanced to the ninja when Brian cracked open his soda and proceeded to take a drink, somehow not spilling it through his mask. As Barry pondered what the hell he'd just seen, Dan grabbed the Root beer as he handed the Mountain Dew to Arin.

Arin took a swig before saying, "Time travel is...well, it's a delicate thing. What you have to understand is that multiple versions of yourself can exist across multiple timelines." At Dan's blank stare, he continued, "Alright, say for example I travel to tomorrow. There is a me that exists in that timeline. I don't know what he's going to do, exactly, but I came from my own timeline into his. With me?"

"Yeeeah, I think," Dan nodded.

Arin shook his head slightly and continued, "Stuff happens to us that we can't predict. Time travelers aren't also fortune tellers; if we really wanted to, we could pop into every day of our lives until we found the moment of our death, but that's not realistic. Especially not for us, because we can feasibly die at literally any time. This me could theoretically get shot while I'm on a mission taking place in the past, or future. But there exists another me from the past who hasn't gotten to that point, yet." Seeing that he was ultimately losing Dan, he said, "Never mind, that's not entirely important. Whoever you saw could in fact be me; something might happen to me in the future that causes me to become some sort of evil overlord. It's just that this me hasn't hit that point yet. I don't know what the catalyst to upset me and turn me into some kind of villain could be because it hasn't happened yet."

"Ooohhh, I get it!" Dan chirped. "So...I just saw a future version of you?"

"Well, technically, you saw a possible future version of me. If the catalyst can be avoided in this timeline, the one you and I are in right now, then that future me you saw will cease to exist."

"But...we don't know what the catalyst is."

"Exactly."

Dan rubbed a hand through his hair. Brian took another thoughtful drink, the liquid phasing through his mask again as though it weren't there. They ignored Barry muttering, "What the fuck..." as he watched physics break for the ninja yet again. 

Dan said, "Well, we can't go ask him about what happened. He tried to have Brian and I killed."

Arin frowned, "Did we not know you?"

"You did, but like...you only recognized us because of the band. I don't think that version of you had ever met us in person."

Arin scratched at the stubble on his chin. "Are you sure that me had never met you?"

"I mean, I guess not," Dan replied, taking a thoughtful drink. "It might have been awhile since he'd seen us."

Arin nodded and took a drink as well, staying silent for several moments. "I have to assume that this is a future version of myself you met. Unfortunately, Barry and I can't go to that year."

"What? Why not?" Dan asked.

"Remember what I said a few minutes ago about anomalies? If we make a personal visit there, and we interact with our supposedly future selves, it could shift things for our timeline. I don't think I ever would have known about the existence of an evil version of myself without you having met him, first. If I go talk to him now, and he somehow corrupts me by revealing the catalyst, it could wreak havoc in this world, too. If I bring his hatred here, I could send the world down a darker path sooner than it's meant to."

Dan said, "But you recognize it's evil, right now."

Arin chuckled, "Yeah, until I hear his side of things. Who better to trust than yourself?"

"Oh," Dan tapped his fingers on the side of his soda can, "right. But if you can't go, then...Brian and I can go back."

Arin raised a brow, "You said we tried to kill you. You can't go back."

"If we don't find that catalyst, we won't know what it is, and we won't be able to avoid exposing you to it," Dan retorted. "We have to try." Brian made a few signs, to which Dan translated, "Brian agrees because he wants to, quote, make the evil Barry get a taste of his fist in his face."

Arin wiped a hand over his face, "Maybe before you go all willy-nilly back into a probably now heavily guarded area, we should work on tracking down that red alert first. If it was untraceable to a specific spot, it could be a world-wide epidemic."

Dan and Brian exchanged a look. Dan said, "Like...someone breaking a thousand-year chastity spell?"

Arin paused. He slowly set his soda down and said, "Yeah, could be something like that."

Dan grinned, "I'll bet you I know a guy who could accomplish that."

~~~

The team made their way to Arin and Barry's base of operations. Arin allowed Dan and Brian to transport to his home year so that they could take a look at the alert to see if they could make any connections to the year 6969. Barry typed in a few codes and brought up the latest red-alert on screen. He motioned to it, "Usually, when an alert goes off, it pin-points the exact location of the scene of the crime. If Arin and I somehow gain enough influence in the future to build a world where sex isn't allowed, and something happens that makes everyone rebel," he spread his arms, "boom. No traceable location, because the location is...everywhere."

Dan nodded as he observed the rotating globe projected on the large screen. Arin said, "That alert went off before Dan had even used my ring. So my leaving it in his bathroom predestined Dan to find it, which lead to his discovery of the corrupted future, which ultimately-"

"Lead to me wanting to save it," Dan answered. 

"Yeah," Arin agreed. "So now the question is, what happens that changes Barry and I so much as to crack down so severely on abstinence?"

Dan shrugged, making an indifferent, "I-du-nu," grunt.

"It's impossible to know," Arin sighed. "The only way to be sure would be directly confronting the future me about it, and that puts you at risk."

Brian looked offended. Dan said, "We can handle ourselves, Arin."

Arin crossed his arms, "There were kitty cupcakes in your kitchen."

Brian made a brisk movement with his hands in indignation. Dan said, "Kitties are nice!"

"Yeah, they are," Arin smirked at the way Dan bristled. "But still, I don't know about this."

"If I cause a world-wide sex epidemic, then clearly I do something right along the way," Dan smiled. 

Arin looked to Barry, who sighed but nodded. Arin turned back to Dan and said, "I guess so."

"Are you letting us go back?" Dan bounced on his toes.

"Yes, but there are some rules you have to follow," Arin held up a finger.

"Lay 'em on me," Dan winked.

Arin ignored him and said, "One. If you happen to see another version of you and Brian, you cannot interact with them. Under any circumstances. It's best if they don't even see you, if you can help it. Seeing you could influence them to do something they weren't originally predisposed to do."

"Right, okay," Dan pouted, upset that he wouldn't have the chance to try having sex with himself.

"Two," Arin waggled two fingers, "if they're being too hostile, come back. If you die on us, we'll never know the catalyst, and it might even change and make things worse for the world if you die before you're meant to."

"How optimistic," Dan mumbled.

"Three," Arin held up a third finger, "if you think you make a mistake, you cannot just keep jumping back to the moment before it happened to try to fix it. Just roll with it unless it becomes absolutely vital to go back. Mistakes can be mended; tears in the time space continuum can't."

"Noted."

"Four," Arin started.

"How many rules are there?" Dan whined.

"Four," Arin repeated calmly, "and while this one might seem obvious, I feel compelled to say it--don't lose the ring. Not only will you be stuck there, but if you do become stuck there, then Barry and I's only option is to come get you, which could lead to us meeting our evil selves and yadda yadda."

Dan groaned, "Yeah, yeah. Let me guess, five?"

"Five," Arin grinned, setting his now open hand on Dan's shoulder, "come back alive."

"Wasn't that rule two?"

"It's an important one," Arin said. "I don't think we've spent enough time together, yet. It'd be a shame for that to get cut short."

Dan said, "Aw, Arin," and covered his heart with his hand. "That's sweet."

"Don't get used to it, I'm not into mushy stuff," Arin chuckled, moving his arms around Dan to embrace him.

Dan eagerly hugged him back, making a soft hum of appreciation. "I'll do my best."

"I know you will," Arin murmured, pulling back with a little hesitancy, lest Dan decide to kiss him again. Dan held his composure this time, rocking back on his heels.

"So. I guess we might as well hit the metaphorical road."

"I guess," Arin replied, taking his ring back off and holding it out in his palm.

Dan took it as though it were some delicate object, tracing a finger along its edge. "We'll be back before you know it."

"Actually, you probably will. I wouldn't be surprised if, to us, no more than thirty seconds pass before you return."

"Oh, shit. You're right. Time travel is weird," Dan ran a hand through his hair.

"You got that right," Arin said, helping Dan set the right coordinates. Dan hit the button, a glowing line tearing its way into being in the room. "Good luck."

"I don't need luck. I'm a wizard," Dan flashed a confident smile. "Come on, Brian, we have a world to save!"

Brian nodded, taking Barry's hand and pressing it to his mask as though to kiss the back of it before he leapt through the portal. Dan shared a last look with Arin, who nodded as a show of confidence. Dan gave him a thumbs up before turning, following his friend into the portal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn, time travel is complicated  
> also let it be known i don't know the Grumps' soda preferences whatsoever


	10. The Burning Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hangs head in shame* here i was hoping to update all my fics last week. see how far that got me?  
> i had originally planned to update this fic on the day Orgy for One was released in honor of the new song, but then I got caught up in other things DX so now, in belated honor, enjoy the update!!

Dan and Brian landed in the familiar dull streets of the future. It was still quiet, the same Pro-abstinence adverts hanging on every conceivable window and billboard. Dan felt his heart harden and grow cold; what a wicked world they were in. A world the man he loved had brought upon mankind. He shook his head to clear his thoughts, doing his utmost to stay focused.

"Okay," Dan said, "we need to figure out exactly where we are." Brian made a sign at him, Dan correcting himself, "Er, right. _When_ we are." Brian pointed to a rather large and obvious clock projecting into the air overhead, which read 12:00pm. "Way to go, Ninja Brian!" Dan smiled, holding up a hand for his partner-in-crime to high five. When Brian continued mutely staring at him, Dan high fived himself and said, "Alright! This should be before the other you and me got here the first time. So, how do you want to do this?"

Brian rubbed a hand over his chin in thought before signing, _I can kill them._

"I know you can kill them, B, but we don't want Arin and Barry dead," Dan said, setting his hands on his hips. "I was thinking we use the power of music!" Brian gave him an unimpressed look. "Come on, man, never underestimate the power of song." Brian didn't move, prompting Dan to say, "Fine, do you have any better ideas?"

Brian made a dismissive motion with a hand and went back to thinking. He signed, _We can use the police robots to create a diversion. Draw some of the guards away._

"I like where this is going," Dan smiled. "Do I get to Sex-bang someone?" he made a fist pump at his own pun, lifting a knee and biting his lip at the same time. Brian shrugged. Dan said, "Well, it's a good start. Hey, maybe we can find that girl we met the first time. What was her name, again? Katie?"

Brian spelled out, _Kristen._

"Oh, right," Dan rubbed a hand through his hair, looking up and down the street but not seeing anyone similar to her. He blew a breath through his lips, "This might be harder than I thought." He and Brian exchanged a look of raised brows at the innuendo before Dan continued, "Okay, focusing for realsies. We draw the attention of the Dick guards somewhere away from their building. It stands to reason if Arin and Barry had a computer system that could detect wrongful acts of sex, it can be programmed to pick up any sex at all. We start something up somewhere, the guards go running, and we buy ourselves time to talk to the Council without having to deal with as many dudes with guns."

Brian slowly started to lift a knife out of nowhere, Dan saying, "We're not going in guns-blazing," firmly. Brian crossed his arms and kicked his foot in a pout. "This is for the best, buddy. Let's go!" Brian snapped into action as Dan started to run down the street in search of Kristen. He didn't bother stopping to ask any other pedestrians if they knew her, as he doubted many of them actually had gotten the chance to know one another. They were careful to avoid the robots crawling interspersed through the city, not wanting to tip any of them off ahead of schedule. 

Brian began to frantically point at a street sign he recognized, turning down it and immediately halting. He whipped a hand out to grab Dan by the collar and yanked back, choking Dan momentarily as he stumbled back around the corner of a building which hid them from view of the street Brian had lead them towards. "What's wrong?" Dan asked but was immediately shushed by Brian lifting a finger to his mouth. 

The duo peered around the corner carefully, allowing Dan to spot the problem. He and Brian were already talking to Kristen up the road. He hissed, "We must have landed in the same day but in different areas of the city." Brian tapped his finger where a ring might be, and Dan nodded, "Yeah, it probably does default to send people to noon of the selected day. I doubt it has the precision to keep landing the portal in the same spot." He paused and added, "Wait, why wasn't I paying more attention to what day I had chosen?" as he studied the date set in the ring. Brian threw his hands up, and Dan said, "You're right, it's too late now." Something dawned on him and he continued, "Shit, they're going to get to the council first!"

Brian looked to him and signed, _Maybe we can use that to our advantage._

Dan smiled slowly and said, "Yeeeah I don't know where you're going with that thought."

Brian shook his head and looked back around the corner. He waited until the past-pair of them had run off in the direction of the Dick Council building before gesturing for Dan to follow. When the two emerged from around the bend, heading for Kristen, she made a double-take behind herself and back to them, her eyes narrowing and mouth parting in confusion.

They skidded to a halt as Dan said, "Fear not. We don't have time to explain. We just need your help with something."

"How did..." she pointed over her shoulder.

"We're time travelers, and we've come to save this world!" Dan declared, setting his hands on his hips heroically. 

"...Right, yeah," Kristen scratched her head. "Look, you're a sweet guy, but I'm not sure if-"

"Sorry, but Kristen, please, we need your help," Dan interrupted, going from confident to begging in three seconds flat. "I know it's a scary thing, having a burden like saving the world on your shoulders, but it's for the greater good. We don't have much time."

She looked between them and asked, "Time before what?"

"In about thirty minutes, the two of us you just met are going to confront the Dick Council and get chased out of this year. Brian and I need to get in there after that happens, because...oh, because the guards had already left the building in pursuit of us! That's what you were getting at," Dan grinned at Brian, who half-bowed his head. Dan said, "Anyway. To keep the guards out of the building, we're going to need something to distract them."

"Like what?" Kristen asked slowly.

"Like the biggest group of sex-deprived souls you can find," Dan replied. 

Kristen frowned, saying, "That's suicide."

Dan stepped forward and gingerly took one of her hands. She snatched it away out of fear at first, but she didn't run, only looking around for police spies. When none came, Dan took her hand gently again, saying, "It might be the best chance you have to help change this future."

After a moment, Kristen's grasp tightened around Dan's hand. "I know a few people to call," she grinned. "Just tell me what to do."

~~~

After the arrangements had all been made, Dan thanked Kristen profusely and swore he'd be back to make sure they were alright before Brian could drag him back to the Councilmen's building. They waited behind the building, playing a few quick games including patty-cake and Chopsticks. They quieted down when they heard a commotion around the front, the pair watching themselves get chased out the front door, a legion of guards on their tail. A portal ripped open, their past selves successfully escaping again, Dan desperately wishing to tell his past self it would all be okay to spare him the heartache of betrayal. But he didn't have time to dwell on it. Within the building, less than a minute after the portal had shut, a siren blared. Arin's voice crackled over a loudspeaker, "They must have teleported somewhere else in the city. We just received a report that there's an orgy taking place nearby! Find it, disband it! Ninja Sex Party must be apprehended at all costs!"

The guards, who hadn't even all had time to filter back into the building, turned on their heels and marched into the streets. Two of the crab-like tank engines joined them, the guards splitting into teams to check each street. Brian turned to face Dan, grabbing him around the waist and jumping. The two soared into the air, and Dan felt his cape flapping in the wind behind him as they streamed back down towards the Councilmen's building like comets. They crashed through the roof, Brian landing in a superhero pose on the desk in front of Barry, who fell backwards out of his chair in shock. Dan, on the other hand, wasn't as lucky nor nearly as elegant, landing face down on the wooden desk in front of Arin. Arin, while also dumbstruck and offended, didn't fall out of his chair. Arin stood abruptly, but before he could make another announcement, Brian was pointing a knife at him. Arin grit his teeth, growling, "I don't know how you managed to escape, but you were foolish to think it'd work twice."

"Don't count on it," Danny groaned, still face down in pain. He peeled his face off the desk and stood unsteadily, "We just want to ask you some questions."

"As if I owe you any answers," Arin glared.

"I think you do," Dan retorted, rubbing his nose to make sure it wasn't bleeding or broken beyond recognition. "How do you know us?"

Arin snorted, "Is that it?"

"Well, no, but I'm trying to test a theory here, so just roll with it, please."

Arin's mouth remained plastered in a frown, saying, "We met after Barry and I tracked you to the epicenter of a red alert."

"Yeah, good so far," Dan nodded.

"It started out good. I might go so far as to say great. To think I thought I was wrong about you."

Dan pointed and said, "I knew it!" before what Arin had implied sunk in. His finger dropped as he said, "Wait, what?"

Arin ignored him, "We gave you a chance. _I_ gave you a chance. But I should have known someone with a sex drive like yours could never stay true to only one partner."

Dan felt a knot form in his stomach as he asked, "What...what are you saying?"

"I'm saying I found out you cheated on me, you lying son of a bitch!" Arin snapped, Brian taking a step between Dan and Arin. "You told me you could put aside your usual ways. I can't believe I bought that."

"No," Dan pushed Brian aside. "That can't be right. There's no way."

"I know what I saw," Arin said, looking like he was fighting back tears.

"Arin," Dan risked sitting on the edge of the desk to slide off and stand in front of him on equal ground, "if there is one thing you should believe in this world, it is that I am not a cheater. There must be some misunderstanding. I would never do that to you."

"I did believe that," Arin pursed his lips and squared his shoulders. "But I guess things change. I don't want anyone to go through what you put me through. And I knew that if Barry and I's company was to work, you couldn't get in the way. We needed a new hideout, and I knew the perfect spot for a home base. A year where one day, surely, you wouldn't be able to resist showing up. Of course, I was hoping the red alert would send my past self so I could warn him of your treachery, but imagine my surprise when it was you who showed up at our door, instead."

Dan swallowed, "You planted the red alert?"

"It is our computer. It was easy enough to fake one."

"You...you're breaking your own rule! I talked to past you like...an hour ago, and he said not to talk to the versions of your selves from other timelines."

"It's in his best interest to break away from you as soon as possible. But now that you're here," he backed away, the other Dick Elders following his lead, "I guess we'll just have to keep you from going back to him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dun dun dunnnnn *wiggly arms*  
> poor evil arin


	11. Something About You

As the Elders backed away, Dan held out an arm to stop Brian from charging them. Arin sneered, "I know the truth about you. You just can't help yourself."

"Fuck that bullshit," Dan retorted. "You must not know the first thing about me."

"We'll see," Arin said, then stopped. He slid his sleeve back and pressed a button on a watch which had been concealed from view. Arin pointed at Dan, commanding, "Get his ring!"

Dan couldn't tell who Arin was addressing, up until he felt the ground quaking. Arin had a wicked smile on his face. Brian turned, unsheathing a second knife and holding them both at the ready. Dan hadn't paid any attention to the floor on their first visit into the building, but now he saw a large circle below with an image of a dick engraved in it. The circle spat up steam in a line, splitting it in two. The two halves moved away from each other, and the wider the rift grew, the more access they had to see what was rising from beneath on a pedestal. What appeared to be a large, robotic panther of some kind was being lifted into the room. When the platform it was on stopped, the puma's eyes began to glow, and they locked onto Dan within seconds of turning on. 

Dan began to say, "Aw, it's a kit-" He was interrupted when the puma roared at them, a metallic screech of a sound which caused Dan to have to quickly cover his ears. He'd been too busy watching the cat to notice that the Dick Elders had fled down a hall, a metal door slamming shut behind them, blocking them in.

"Okay, cybernetic death kitty. That works, too," Dan said. Brian gave him a look before throwing a knife at the puma's head. The puma, however, was able to detect the trajectory of the weapon. It bounded into action, leaping out of the way of the knife and charging at them. Or, more specifically, it headed straight for Dan. Dan dived out of the way as the puma leaped, springing with claws extended through the air Dan's head had just been occupying. It hit the tapestry behind the giant desk and clung on like a house cat on a curtain. It turned its head and bared its fangs at them with a feral growl. Brian jumped, flying towards the puma with his foot extended and the intent to kick it. The puma was faster, rapidly climbing the tapestry and causing Brian's foot to connect with the wall. When the puma reached the top, it sliced through the ropes holding the fabric up, and all of a sudden it was running along the wall as the canvas fell, collapsing onto Brian. Even though it didn't trap Brian by any means, it did distract him long enough for the puma to run down the wall and tackle Dan.

Dan yelped as he was pinned under the massive weight of the robotic feline. He said, "You'll never take me alive?" with a lot less bravado than intended. The piercing red gaze of the cat bore into him, and he saw a red beam of light scan his body, focusing on the time travel ring. "No, no, bad kitty!" Dan scolded, trying to use his foot to kick the puma's stomach, succeeding in hurting said foot. "Ooowww, ow ow ow," Dan hissed as his toe throbbed. The puma didn't pay any attention as it opened its mouth. Where a tongue might usually be, a metallic wire extended towards Dan's hand. Before it could latch onto the ring, it was severed by a shuriken. The puma roared again, more deafening now that it was closer to Dan and also pinning his arms. 

Dan shouted, "Did you have to make it angry?" as he tilted his head up enough to see where Brian had mostly freed himself from the mass of fabric. Brian made a sign at him. Dan said, "Oooh, thanks for the idea, buddy!" He gave the puma a toothy grin with his brows set in a stern, confident manner, "Hey pal. Two can play that game."

Suddenly, a small army of Dan clones was surrounding the puma. Simultaneously, they all belted out an extremely high-pitched note, one that the real Dan could never achieve but was no problem for his mind-projections. The ringing wail of voices threw off the puma's sensors. It thrashed its head around and stumbled off of Dan, making metallic shrieks as it swiped fruitlessly at one of the clones which wasn't really there. Dan stood and silenced the others, figuring that the puma had a lock on the real him. Just in case, he hid himself among a sea of other Danny's, hoping the puma didn't have heat sensors. "Think think think," he mumbled to himself, grinning when an idea popped into his head.

"Time to fight fire with fire," he said. As he looked up, the rest of the clones mirrored his movement perfectly. The puma looked up in time to see a new hole break open in the roof, followed by a colossal shape barreling its way to the floor. It hit the ground in front of them and straightened, the puma faced with something that looked like a cross between a rhino and a triceratops standing on two legs. Even if the puma could tell it wasn't real, it served as a distraction long enough for Dan to slip the ring into his pocket. "Go rhinoceratops!" Dan said. The army of Dan's began to cheer as the rhinoceratops bellowed out a thundering roar. The puma hissed and growled, having a lot to visually focus on at one time. The rhino stomped at it, and the puma dodged, having to dodge again as the rhino swiped a massive clawed hand at it. The puma tried to bite at the rhino, but Dan was keeping a close eye on the fight, being careful not to let the puma make physical contact with the imaginary beast.

Dan snuck through the crowd towards Brian, careful to try to keep the rhino between himself and the puma. Brian had been trying to open the metal doorway which was blocking them from the hall the Elders had escaped through. Brian kicked it and left a dent, looking down in frustration. As he drew his arm back to throw a punch at it, Dan reached him, saying, "Hey Brian-" and cut himself off.

Dan was startled because Ninja Brian was startled, and due to Brian being startled, when he threw his punch, it packed enough power to blow the entire door backwards. Brian reeled around, keeping his fist raised up and at the ready to punch Dan square in the nose. "No wait no Brian it's just me," Dan quickly said, putting his hands in front of his face. But the noise had drawn the puma's attention. It roared and ran at them, phasing through the imaginary Dan's, which began to fade anyway as the real Dan lost his focus. "Eep," Dan squeaked, taking cover behind Brian, who planted his feet firmly between himself and his friend.

The puma leapt at him, claws poised and ready to shred. Brian grabbed the two paws, stopping the puma dead as it collided with him. Brian grasped the paws firmly and swung the puma to the side and into the wall, cracking a puma-shaped hole through it. Brian brushed his hands together before running after it, jumping through the hole. Dan winced as he heard a snarl and a roar, the scuffle ending within a manner of seconds after Dan heard a distinctive _CLANG_ of metal hitting metal, followed by the groan of what was probably a knife slicing its way through the puma's armored hide.

The metal door opened, and Brian stood on the other side, holding the puma's lifeless body above his head not unlike Tarzan and the jaguar. Dan applauded him as Brian threw the puma to the ground, sending sparks flying from various chinks in its plating. "Nicely done, man," Dan praised him, slapping a hand onto Brian's back. "And you got the door open, too!" Brian nodded and shrugged as though it were no big deal. Dan looked to the hallway, followed closely by Brian. 

Dan said, "That won't be the only trick up his sleeve. We've gotta find them."

Brian nodded once more and stormed down the hall, Dan falling into step behind him. "Remember, we don't want to kill them," Dan gently reminded Brian. Brian made a sign, and Dan sighed, "Fine, you can stab them a little bit, but only if they're being hostile." Brian rolled his eyes but consented, checking the rooms they passed as they explored the building. They stopped in front of an elevator with a hand-written note taped to it reading, "Under Construction."

Dan said, "Shit, guess we have to find the stairs." Brian turned his head to give Dan a tired look. He snatched the note off the door and pressed the elevator button, which lit up as normal. Dan was silent a moment before saying, "I knew that. I was trying to save them electricity." Brian crumpled the note into a ball and threw it at Dan, hitting him in the forehead. Dan pursed his lips and rubbed at the spot as the elevator dinged and the door slid open. He couldn't help but think about how similar it sounded to the elevator back home, the one which he and Brian had to take to their penthouse suite. 

They stepped inside and looked at their floor options. Brian pointed to the button that had "Ice Cream Parlor" written beside it, suspiciously on the top floor. Dan said, "I guess even evil overlords need ice cream breaks now and then, but there's no time for that. How about that one?" Dan pointed to a floor sign that read: "Petting Zoo." Brian slapped Dan's cheek gently and signed, thrusting his hand forward as if to enunciate each sign. Dan pouted, "I could use petting a small fluffy animal right now, Brian. What if they have bunnies?" Brian shook his head. Dan clasped his hands together in a silent plea. Brian continued shaking his head, slapping Dan's hand away as Dan tried to abruptly shoot his finger out to press the button, anyway. The two grappled for a moment before Brian shoved Dan back and stood in front of the keypad, crossing his arms. Danny whined, "Uuugh, fine, but we're going later." Brian nodded and punched the button for "Ice Cream Parlor" without even turning around.

As the elevator began to move, Dan's ear was caught by the music coming in through the speaker above them. "Is that...?" Dan looked up, hearing his own voice singing to them. 

_And after sex I'll cry, cry, and also before sex I'll cry, cry._ Dan felt his throat constrict as he recognized the song he'd sung for Arin the night the two had their first chance to be alone together. However, these were lyrics he hadn't even written yet, so at some point he must have finished it. He shut his eyes and listened, _Watch a film with me, I love boring romantic comedies. Hop in my carriage, this is like your dream; any movie we see, can be a drive-in movie if we build up enough speed._

Dan opened his eyes, which were now brimmed with tears, and he turned to Brian, saying, "Bri, this is my song. He's playing my music in his evil lair elevator," he covered his mouth with a hand. He choked out, "He still cares," as the elevator music continued playing, ignorant of the weight it carried.

_And during sex I'll cry_

Dan balled his fists and straightened, sniffling before saying, "We have a chance."

_Thinking about sex makes me cry_

"He's hurting, but he can heal."

_Even when I use a sextant I cry_

Brian set a hand on Dan's shoulder, and as the elevator drew to a halt, Dan said, "Let's save our friends."

_They measure angles!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whew that chapter started off with a bang, didnt it  
> an _ego-bang_ amiright hahaha hell yeah, nailed it
> 
> i'm honestly so sad i missed it when the grumps originally posted their lets play of "Trap Adventure 2"  
> i've been dying to see more content for that game because i had seen a gif of the first couple levels from tumblr but i never knew what it was actually called until today XD


	12. Unicorn Wizard

The elevator doors slid open. On the other side, the Dick Council awaited. However, they actually appeared caught off guard. Their heads all turned simultaneously towards the elevator, each of them freezing while holding a bowl of ice cream. They all had different flavors and toppings.

Brian raised both his brows. Dan grinned as he looked around the room, which had a glass ceiling offering a stunning view of the sky and surrounding city. The area was filled with the sweet scent of waffle cones. "Whaddya know, it actually is an ice cream parlor up here," Dan said.

Arin rubbed a drip of ice cream out of his mustache with the back of his hand and stood, hurriedly setting the bowl aside. "Yes, it is," he grumbled. "How did you get in here?"

"Easy!" Dan pointed at him. "Never underestimate the power of music!" Brian cuffed the back of Dan's head with a hand. Dan hissed in a breath and said, "And also Ninja Brian kind of destroyed your superpuma."

Arin scowled, "I knew he was strong, but I thought we installed anti-ninja mods on our puma?" He looked over his shoulder to reaffirm with his council members. They all muttered incomprehensibly and shrugged to one another. Arin sighed and rubbed a hand down his face, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I knew we should have gotten the stupid dragon."

"You could have had a _dragon_ and you went for the _puma_?" Dan asked. Brian shook his head in shame as Dan continued, "What the hell kind of a choice even is that?"

"Shut up!" Arin snapped. "I was outvoted."

Barry mumbled, "I mean, a guy in a dragon suit isn't really a _dragon_ , per se..." Arin glared down at him and snatched the maraschino cherry off the top of Barry's ice cream and ate it. Barry said, "Aw," and frowned down at the bowl, effectively shut up.

Dan snorted and giggled, "A dude in a dragon suit?"

"Whatever," Arin said while still chewing on the candy cherry. He pulled his sleeve back and hit a button on his watch. Four laser guns unfurled out of panels in the walls and fixed their sights on Dan and Brian. "We can do this the easy way or the hard way."

"I always prefer the hard way," Dan snickered, coughing quietly when no one laughed at the innuendo. He grew serious again and asked, "What do you want?"

"I want you to give me your ring. I can't have you going back to poison my past self with thinking you won't do anything to hurt him."

"But I won't," Dan bristled. "I wouldn't do that to him--to you. After everything we've been through these past three days, I can't imagine doing anything to hurt him. I wouldn't want to."

"Whatever you might have felt for me in the beginning is gone. The you from my world would know."

Dan crossed his arms, "I think I know me pretty damn well, thank you very much. And you clearly still care," he thrust a pointed finger in Arin's direction.

"What? No I don't," Arin huffed.

"Yes you do. I heard your elevator music. That's _my_ song. You may act like you hate me, but deep down, you miss me. And I miss you, the real you. The one who laughs at my stupid jokes and doesn't mind when I get a little cuddly. And the one who buys me unicorn paraphernalia."

Barry gave Arin a look, "You did what?"

Arin blushed, "It was years ago, Bare. I got him a glass unicorn when we were first getting to know each other."

Dan lost some of his gusto and asked, "You never told him?"

"No, because I didn't want him to jump to conclusions."

"What conclusions?"

"Conclusions like me having feelings for you."

"...But you do."

"Well, maybe once, but not anymore."

"Elevator music," Dan repeated.

Arin groaned loudly and grasped at his hair. "For fuck's sake, I haven't gotten around to changing the playlist."

"For your evil dick lair," Dan grinned, bouncing on his toes and having perhaps a little too much fun pissing Arin off.

"Yes, for--no!" Arin retorted. "Enough!" he clapped a hand over the wristwatch, but as the lasers lit up, there was a sudden shriek and clang of metal; they were interrupted by rapidly flying shurikens that severed them from their wall mounts. Brian held three more stars at the ready in one hand in case Arin tried anything again.

Dan said, "Alright, I'm sorry, really. But I do have one question before you try to kill us again. And I just ask that you answer me fully."

"That depends," Arin said through grit teeth.

"Why do you think I cheated on you?" Dan asked, fully serious.

Arin's eyes narrowed, "If I tell you, you could just use the information to better hide it from my past self, thus erasing this future from ever happening. But it's the one future in which I know not to bother wasting my time on you."

"Come on, just tell me. Please," Dan begged. "You know me. Somewhere in there, you know it doesn't feel right. Whatever you saw, there has to be an explanation. We can help you figure it out."

Arin shut his eyes and turned his head away. He balled his fists and said, "No. I can't risk it."

Dan said, "Fine. If you won't tell me, then this looks like a job for-!" he paused to think, looking around and whispering, "Brian, nab me a cone." Brian made a shrug, Dan hissing, "Just do it, go!" Brian rolled his eyes and threw a smoke bomb down, appearing behind the ice cream parlor counter and picking up a waffle cone, chucking it at Dan. Dan grabbed at it and missed, the cone hitting the floor behind him and breaking. "Nope, no, do it again," Dan gestured to Brian. The ninja made an exasperated movement with his arms, lifting them only to clap them back down to his sides. "Come on, man, this is important. You're embarrassing me!" Dan whined as he gestured to the Dick Elders, who were watching in states of utter confusion.

Brian picked up another cone and pretended to throw it, running beneath it as it "soared" through the air still clutched in his hand. After Dan had taken it, Brian moved to stand with his arms crossed beside him, pretending like that isn't at all what had just happened. Dan chose to ignore it as well, saying, "A job for the Unicorn Wizard!" he held the cone up to his forehead and pointed skyward with his free hand. His mind-projector fired miniature fireworks around himself. Brian blinked slowly at him. He tapped Dan's shoulder and made a tossing gesture towards Arin. Dan said, "No, I'm not going to try to poke Arin's eye out with the waffle cone." Brian pouted and kicked at the floor. 

Dan said, "What I am going to do is get to the bottom of this. And I always get to the bottom," he grinned. When he lowered the cone, his projector had formed a much more realistic unicorn horn sprouting from Dan's forehead. His cape changed to look like it was made from glittering diamonds, and his shoes shifted to look like satyr hooves. He whispered, "Bri, do you have my staff?" Brian shook his head. "What? How am I supposed to be the unicorn wizard without--nevermind, I'll improvise," he gave Brian a thumbs up. Brian tiredly returned the gesture and assumed a fighting stance.

Arin scoffed, "Really? I know those aren't real; what are you gonna do, trample me with your fake hooves until I talk?" he nudged Barry with an elbow.

Dan smiled, forming a couple backup-singer-Dan's to stand beside him. Dan's voice rang out as he sang, " _I never meant to be so bad to you. One thing I said that I would never do._ " A dawning realization spread across Arin's face. " _A look from you and I would fall from grace, and that would wipe the smile right from my face._ "

"No, stop him! Get that projector!" Arin yelled, pointing at the metallic instrument on Dan's temple.

Dan ducked under a council member that looked like Kevin the doorman and ran towards Arin. He bounced in a circle around him, singing, " _Do you remember when we used to dance? And incidents arose from circumstance._ " He dodged a swipe from Arin's hand, " _One thing led to another, we were young, and we would scream together songs unsung--_ " Dan smiled, projecting images of himself with the Arin he knew. " _It was the heat of the moment! Telling me what my heart meant._ " As he continued circling Arin and dodging him, it began to look more like a dance. " _The heat of the moment, showed in your eyes._ "

"Cut it out," Arin said, "stop singing, you asshole!"

" _And now you find yourself in Eighty-Two,_ " Dan ignored him in favor of singing. " _The disco hot spots hold no charm for you. You can concern yourself with bigger things. You catch a pearl and ride the dragon's wings,_ " he made his cape look like dragon wings sprouting from his back, " _'cause it's the heat of the moment, the heat of the moment. The heat of the moment showed in your eyes,_ " Dan knelt down and fist pumped a hand towards his knee as he held the note.

One of the Dan clones formed a guitar to play the solo. As he rocked out, Dan rolled to the side to avoid Arin trying to tackle him. Arin landed roughly, growling in frustration and grabbing at Dan while he was still on the floor. His hand caught the edge of Dan's cape, using it to pull himself closer to the singer. Dan let it happen, the solo ending as he began to sing again, " _And when your looks are gone and you're alone,_ " he formed an illusion of a version of himself holding hands with Arin before the Dan faded away and the Arin illusion sunk to his knees, " _how many nights you sit beside the phone. What were the things you wanted for yourself?_ " Here he formed an image of Arin seated on the Dick Elder throne surrounded by fire. The podium broke apart to reveal Dan standing there, holding a hand out to Arin. " _Teenage ambitions you remember well._ " He realized the real Arin was captivated by the imagery and sang slower, " _It was the heat of the moment, telling me what your heart meant. The heat of the moment showed in your eyes,_ " he set a hand on Arin's cheek. Arin watched his illusioned self hand Dan a glass unicorn as Dan's singing grew softer, " _The heat of the moment. Heat of the moment,_ " he started to trail off, the music fading away as Dan subtly reached up to his temple. " _The heat of the moment, showed in your eyes._ " 

__As the song ended, Dan quickly slapped the projector to Arin's temple. Before Arin could help it, the thoughts of him and Dan that had been coursing through his mind since Dan began to sing leaked out. The images started with memories similar to what Dan remembered, the good times he'd had since meeting his Arin mere days ago. But then things changed. The bright, saturated colors turned more dull and gray as new images quickly flickered in and out of the air in front of them. What Dan hadn't expected was for those images to contain what appeared to be Arin walking in on Dan...pinning another Dan to a bed._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back for summer baby!!  
> to spread the good news: i have opened a tumblr blog purely for ficlets/one-offs! i'm taking suggestions mostly for the grumps and septiplier or mark and jack and their egos, but if you have any questions about whether i'll write for other specific fandoms, feel free to message that blog or leave a comment!! the name is "tracies-tales.tumblr.com"  
> can't wait to hear some suggestions :D *winkwinknudgenudge*


	13. Time Warp

Dan found himself staring at the version of himself being pinned. He looked exactly like him, except he was different somehow. He wasn't in the Sexbang costume like the Dan on top, and he certainly looked more bashful about his current position than the other. The image was ripped away before he had a chance to study further, Arin shouting, "Enough!" and tearing the projector from his temple. He threw it, sending it skittering across the floor. Dan made a mental note not to step on it later.

Arin began to reel a hand back as if to slap Dan with. Dan quickly said, "Wait a minute!" When Arin actually paused, Dan said, "Is...is it really cheating if the one I'm with is still me?"

"I don't know what I saw, damn it," Arin growled. "Like, even if it is, it just goes to show how easily you're willing to crawl into bed with someone else, no matter who it is."

"Oh come on, as if you wouldn't want the chance to fuck yourself," Dan said matter-of-factly.

"Not if I was dating someone at the time, which I was!" Arin retorted.

"Okay, hear me out," Dan said, wriggling a hand free while trying very hard not to think about how hot it was being pinned under Arin at that particular moment in time. "Arin," he held a finger up between them, "you have to trust me. I know you don't, but there's no way to tell if whatever that was...was what it looked like?" Dan was having trouble convincing himself.

Arin scowled down at him, "And why should I trust you?"

"Because you have to understand that I would never, ever do anything to hurt you. Ever. It'd be such a dick move, bro."

"Then why did I walk in on you with a clone of yourself?"

"That's a loaded question," Dan pouted. "How am I supposed to answer that? It hasn't happened to me, yet."

The grip on Dan's other wrist tightened, Arin saying, "Exactly. Yet." He lashed a hand out, snatching the ring off Dan's hand, "Nor ever."

"Wait, wait no Arin please!" Dan begged, trying to grab it back.

Arin held the ring out of Dan's reach, "I'm tired of people like you who think they can get away with sleeping around with whoever they want."

"I know, but you changed that for me. There's got to be an explanation, there's got to! You know there does," Dan frowned, "you know me."

"I thought I did," Arin growled. Ninja Brian casually took the ring from Arin's hand as he was too busy focusing on keeping it away from Dan. Arin's head whipped around, and as Brian took a large step back, Dan pulled his other hand free and wrapped them around Arin in a large hug.

Dan sniffled, "Please, Arin. Just let me look into what happened. I hate seeing you like this. You deserve a relationship with someone you can trust, and...I just want that someone to be me. Please."

Arin's expression of rage softened, having trouble keeping balance with Dan clinging to him from below. He set his hand down on the floor, ending up laying over Dan. When Dan gingerly loosened his grip and lowered himself to see Arin's face, he found himself in his original predicament of making himself focus from the position they were in. Arin was still frowning, although he didn't look nearly as angry. He shut his eyes and said, "Fine."

Dan's eyes lit up, "Really?"

"This is your only chance. I can't go back to that room without influencing what I originally thought, and it will be a testament to your will if you can resist banging not just one, but two of yourself," Arin forced a chuckle. He sat up and ran a hand through his hair, "I'm...placing my trust in you again. Temporarily," he emphasized by jabbing a finger into Dan's chest.

Dan beamed at him, "Thank you! I won't let you down." He scrambled to get to his feet and tripped over his own cape, slipping back to the floor and hitting his hip. "Ow, fucking-" Dan hissed in a breath. "I'm fine, it's fine," he assured as he stood again, placing his hands on his hips. "Come on, Bri!" 

Brian ran a few steps and slid across the floor to land perfectly by Dan's side. Brian handed Dan the ring, who slipped it back onto his finger confidently. Dan reached to hit the button to trigger the time portal and paused, his confidence fizzling out as he asked, "What, uh...when was this, again?"

Arin said, "Oh, um," and rubbed his neck, "damn. I think it was like...2018 or something?"

"2018? What a weird year," Dan mumbled. "Alright. 2018, here we come!" He took a moment to carefully adjust the numbers on the ring. Arin scuffed his foot on the floor awkwardly as Dan fiddled to get the numbers right. Barry coughed from the back corner of the room.

After a moment, Arin asked, "Y...you need help with that?"

"No no, I got this," Dan waved a hand idly and went back to squinting at the fine print. "Why'd you guys design this ring with numbers so small?" he grumbled.

"Here, just let me do it," Arin sighed and stepped forward.

"Nooo," Dan whined.

Arin tried to reach for the ring and was swatted away by Dan's hand. The two had a brief cat fight before Arin won, snatching the ring again and setting it to the proper date. He handed the ring back, "There."

Dan pursed his lips and put the ring back on, "I could've gotten it."

"I know, Danny," Arin said, freezing due to the slip of Dan's nickname.

Dan grinned, "We'll be back before you know it." He hit the trigger, a rift opening in the air. Brian jumped in, leaving Dan to hesitate a moment before he said, "Thank you," and followed suit. 

As the portal shut behind them, Barry said, "I hope you know what you're doing."

"So do I," Arin frowned, staring at the spot the rift had just occupied.

Danny and Brian stepped out into an alley on a brightly lit day. Dan's outfit stuck out like a sore thumb in comparison to the clothes on the other civilians, but he was thankful none of them had seen him waltz out of a time portal. By the looks of it, their technology wasn't nearly advanced enough for that, yet. Dan shielded his eyes as he and Brian stepped out onto the sidewalk, receiving more than a few glances at their clothes. Dan ignored them, saying, "Okay, Bri. We have one shot at finding out wh-"

He was interrupted by a high-pitched squeal, a woman screeching, "Oh my god! It's Dan!" from down the street. 

She tugged on the sleeve of her friend, who said, "And Brian," with a heavily sexual connotation.

Dan said, "Oh, you girls know me?" with confusion, as he hadn't the slightest idea who they were.

"Well yeah, we watch Game Grumps religiously," she smiled. "It's great to meet you guys."

Dan chuckled fakely and leaned closer to Brian to whisper, "Game what now?" Brian shrugged.

"Are you with Arin, or are you like...filming for a new music video? Do you need some more actresses?" the woman said with hope in her eyes.

"No, we're just...wait, you know Arin?" Dan asked.

The woman snorted, "No, I only ever hear your voice in your videos," with a nudge to her friend, who giggled at the sarcasm.

Dan made himself laugh along, saying, "Riiight, well, we best be going."

"Wait, can I have your autographs?" the woman asked, rifling through her purse for a pen and paper.

"Well, sure," Dan said, wondering what kind of strange time zone they'd been sent to as he scribbled out a signature and passed it to Brian. Dan hissed, "Use the pen," as he noticed Brian's eyes starting to light up for using his laser-beam vision. Brian looked miffed but took the pen, scratching a small ninja head doodle onto the paper and handing it back. 

The woman lit up with a fit of giggles as she said, "Awesome. Thanks, guys. Can't wait to see the new video!" She and her friend waved and walked off.

"That...was super weird. But we have a lead," Dan said. "What do you suppose Game Grumps is?"

Brian took out his phone from no visible pocket and stared at the screen intensely. In a moment, it registered a list of videos under the title 'Game Grumps.' Each of the thumbnails had a small cartoonized version of what looked to Dan like his head, along with one for Arin. Dan carefully took the phone and selected one titled "Stick Fight." He jumped when a gruff voice sang, "Hey I'm Grump," followed by his own voice responding, "I'm not so Grump." They joined together to sing, "And we're the Game Grumps!"

The video opened to footage of a game, and Dan was surprised to hear himself and Arin talking. He paused it to ask, "What kind of place is this?"

Brian shrugged and took the phone back, signing, _It could be a parallel universe._

"But...it's the same timeline, or at least it should be. Maybe these are like...Arin and I's ancestors." Dan's eyes widened, "Brian, what if in this time, I'm an alter ego?" Brian raised a brow. Dan said, "Those girls knew me, but they acted like I was the one who was part of that video. So somewhere in this world, there must be another me who looks and sounds exactly like me, only he isn't me. We have to be related somehow. Come on, we've gotta find him! Look up more stuff about these Game Grumps."

Brian nodded and stared at his phone again, a page of information from a website called Wikipedia spawning up. Dan pointed, saying, "There! 'Game Grumps is a Let's Play webseries currently hosted by American Internet personalities Arin Hanson and Dan Avidan.' Avidan?" he scratched his head. "That's gotta be this world's version of me. Does it say where I live?"

Brian scrolled through the page and shook his head. Dan groaned, "Well...can you use your mind powers to find him or something?" Brian made a series of gestures, prompting Dan to respond, "What do you mean you have to meet someone first before you can teleport to their location? You've known me for years!" Brian gave him a tired look, Dan saying, "Oh, right, it's technically not me." Brian raised his brows. Dan sighed, "And we're standing two feet apart from each other, yeah. Well, how about you search like...Game Grumps address?"

The phone screen lit up with a location in Los Angeles. Dan nodded, "Alright, that's a good start. We don't know what time it happens or where or why, so we've gotta hurry."

Brian slipped the phone into a seemingly nonexistent pocket, holding a hand out for Dan. Dan grasped it and said, "Wait, what are-" before Brian picked him up and threw him. Dan would have screamed if the rush of air flying around him didn't prevent him from speaking. He collided with a tree, not having any idea how far he'd just flown. He hung limply over a branch, hearing the 'pof' of smoke from Brian appearing underneath him. As Dan slid off the branch, Brian caught him and set him down.

Dan brushed off his torso, saying, "Thanks for the lift." He looked up at a house that appeared perfectly normal. He stretched his arms and rolled his shoulders, "We don't know what kind of hellscape awaits in there, Bri. So if this is the end for us, I want you to know, it's been an honor having you as a sidekick." Brian nodded and clasped Dan's shoulder, giving him a thumbs up. Dan took a deep breath and hopped in place, shaking his hands to release his nervous energy. "Let's do this thing."

The duo charged towards the house, bursting through the door heroically. Dan said, "We have arrived!" There was no one in the immediate vicinity. Dan's bravado deflated from his chest as he pouted, "Aw."

Brian looked around and pointed at a door. Dan snorted, "Yeah," and walked towards it, "as if the first door you pick is gonna be the one tha-oh," he opened it to a set of stairs leading to a basement. Brian looked smug and made a motion for Dan to continue. Dan grumpily made his way down the stairs, confused by the Japanese-style doorway which opened into what looked like a street with various shops lining it. Brian pointed to another door down a hall lined with small figurines, and Dan silently followed his lead without question this time. They ended up entering a room with dim lights lining the ceiling in a square, several television monitors set up in front of a couch, and sitting on that couch was...

Arin looked over his shoulder at the sound of the door, a gamer remote in his hand. He didn't appear even slightly phased as he said, "Oh, hey Dan."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hellooooo! things are getting spicy now, eh? thank god brian had supernatural abilities for convenient author usage *coughlazywritingcough*  
> no, i don't know where their office is, and yes, the sentence from the wiki is the actual first sentence of the wiki XD  
> to cite my source, even though everyone knows what wikipedia is:  
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Game_Grumps
> 
> also, if anyone is unaware what i'm talking about when it comes to describing the grump studio, i recommend watching the grump office tour video. it was some of the best 20 mins of my life, and i'm super jealous of their work space (though i only assume its in a basement, i honestly don't know)


	14. Next to You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to try to avoid confusion, if I say Danny it's in referral to the Sexbang ego the story has been following, regular non-time-travel Dan will be just Dan <3

"Hi, Arin," Dan said, having to remember that this Arin had no idea whatsoever about who he really was. 

"What are you doing in costume?" Arin asked with an amused brow furrow.

Dan glanced to Brian, "Er..." Brian made a motion with his hands as though he were taking a photo with an invisible camera. "Filming?" Brian nodded, so Dan said, "Yes. We're filming." The girls on the street had certainly thought that was reasonable.

Arin frowned, "That's today? I thought you didn't start filming for Heart Boner until next week." Dan mouthed 'heart boner?' to Brian, who shrugged again. Arin snorted, "Come on, guys, I know you're probably trying to stay in character, but you don't have to be nervous. It's gonna turn out amazing, as always."

"Aw, thanks Arin," Dan said, even though he had absolutely no clue what he was talking about. "But...we're just popping in."

"What do you mean? We have a session today," Arin replied.

"...A Game Grumps session?" Dan guessed.

"No, a blowjob session," Arin responded with complete seriousness.

Dan blushed immediately and started stammering, "O-oh, I uh...hm, I wasn't...well."

Arin chuckled, "Your virgin schoolgirl act is really improving, man."

Dan bristled at that, tensing his shoulders to retort that he wasn't a virgin before Brian clamped a hand over his shoulder to remind him to continue playing along. He forced a giggle and deflated a bit due to Arin not being serious, saying, "Thanks. I've been working on it."

"Anyway, didn't you literally just tell me you were gonna go nab something from home?"

"I hm?" Dan hummed in question and rubbed a hand over his chin.

"I swear it was like...five minutes ago. Unless I've been working on calibrating this fucking controller for that long," Arin grumbled and looked to the white rectangle in his hand. "Damn thing's probably broken from throwing it in frustration so often."

"So maybe throw it in frustration less?" Dan suggested.

Arin scoffed, "Suuure, Daniel. I'll just stop being mad at videogames."

"Well, you never know 'til you've tried," Dan chirped. "But where did I say I was going?"

Arin narrowed his eyes slightly, "Uh...home. I assumed you had packed your outfits in the car, but--wait, are you trying to surprise me? Are you recording right now?"

"What? No," Dan replied. 

Arin still looked suspicious, "Are you actually starting to film early?"

"...Yes," Dan nodded. "But we're not filming right this second."

"Well I should hope not, we have to get these episodes done. And now that you're apparently back-"

"Nope, sorry, no, we actually have to go grab something from my place," Dan interrupted.

The more Dan talked, the more confused Arin looked. "What the hell is going on?"

Dan chuckled nervously, "You see, it's a funny story. Brian tell him."

Brian gave Dan a tired look and walked up to Arin, holding up a spray can and spritzing Arin in the face with it. Arin had started to ask, "What are-" before whatever was in the can knocked him out cold. He slumped into the couch as Brian pocketed the can with satisfaction. 

Dan squeaked, "What'd you do to him?" Brian drew a few Z's in the air with his finger. "I can tell he's unconscious!" Dan hissed. "How long will he be out?" Brian held up a finger. "An hour? Okay, we can work with that." Brian shook his head and held up a finger again. Dan frowned, "A day?" At Brian's unmoving hand, Dan said, "A minute?!" Brian nodded, and Dan threw his hands up, "Come on, we have to get out of here."

He bolted for the door, but Brian didn't follow, instead rummaging through Arin's pockets for his phone. He unlocked it and scrolled through the contacts, finding Dan's name and a connected address. Dan poked his head back in the door, saying, "What are you doing?"

Brian motioned for Dan to follow and ran past him. Dan didn't question it and gave chase, the two ending up back outside. "Okay, so what's the plan?" Dan asked. Brian reached for his hand again, but Dan backed away, quickly saying, "No more tossing me! You're gonna mess up my hair."

Brian rolled his eyes and grabbed Dan's hand. He crouched and leaped, soaring into the air with Dan clinging to him for dear life. Dan felt his stomach drop as they began to descend, coming to a jarring halt on a street. Dan held his stomach and mumbled, "I'm gonna barf." Brian flipped off a random civilian who had seem them plummet from the sky, causing him to flee in terror. Brian rubbed Dan's back and pointed up at the new house they'd landed in front of. "Is...this mine?"

Brian shrugged, as it wasn't technically his but he was identical to the Dan that owned it. Before Dan could say another word, Brian had picked him up. Dan yelped as he was thrown through an upstairs window. He collided with the floor in a heap, groaning, "Son of a bitch," and standing up slowly. He froze when he noticed the bedroom door was open with a person standing inside it, who was just as petrified as he was.

Danny coughed into a fist and said, "Hello there. You must be Dan."

Dan was standing still with an arm on the doorknob. He was wearing a Nirvana tee shirt and torn up jeans. He looked over his shoulder and back to Danny, pointing at him and looking exceptionally lost. 

"Yeah, take a moment for it to sink in. One can only handle so much Sexbang," Danny smirked and winked, which immediately felt weird to do to someone who was trying to come to terms with his alter ego actually existing as a separate entity. "I...think we beat the other me, here," Danny turned to watch Brian flip through the broken window. "We showed up too early, Bri."

"Y--hold on," Dan spoke up at last and pointed between them. "No, you can't...what?"

"It's a long story," Danny set his hands on his hips. "But we're you from the future! I think. Honestly we're still trying to work that out, ourselves."

"...What?" Dan repeated, both hands held halfway up in disbelief.

"I'm a time traveler with my ever faithful compatriot, Brian," Danny gestured to the ninja, who waved. "We're here to solve a mystery involving us. There's an alternate version of Arin who is also a time traveler, and he gave me his time travel ring to come find you and prevent a terrible future from happening. There's also another version of me who's probably going to show up soon; there's really no way to tell."

Dan nodded slowly and abruptly started collapsing as he fainted from being overwhelmed. Brian darted forward and caught him, picking him up and laying him on the bed. Danny stared down at him, asking, "Think it was too much?" At Brian's look, Danny retorted, "Well now what are we supposed to do? This timeline's Arin expects us to be back at that studio house thing to record Game Grumps, but his Dan is unconscious."

Brian signed, _Maybe it is best to leave him asleep. If you take one of his outfits, you can pose as him for the day._

"I guess I have to. We don't want to raise more suspicions, and we have to wait on the other me to show, anyway," Danny scratched his head. "But what if he wakes up and comes in while Arin and I are recording?" Brian took the spray can back out and doused Dan's face with it. Brian gave Danny a thumbs up and pocketed it again. Danny rubbed his face with his hands, "Okay, that works. I'll dig through his closet." Brian folded his arms over his chest and moved his legs to sit cross legged, not falling to the floor and instead levitating in midair to wait.

Danny ended up selecting a Def Leppard tee and a similar pair of torn up jeans. He held his arms out, "How do I look?" Brian nodded in approval and stepped back onto the floor. "Well, better get this over with," Danny sighed and headed for the door, not surprised when Brian chose to dive back through the broken window. He rolled his eyes and walked down the stairs, pausing to think about whether or not to grab the leather jacket hanging on a hook by the door. He jumped a bit when there was a knock on the other side. He said, "Brian, it's not like it's locked, you can just-"

When the door swung open, there was a Danny Sexbang in uniform staring back at him. He flashed a charming smile and said, "I thought I might find you, here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm both ashamed and amused that so many NSP song titles work in favor of these chapters
> 
> i also had to post an update on the release of Heart Boner--what a fucking amazing experience, please go watch the video if you haven't!!  
> also, all these fuckin' Dans are gonna get really confusing, i know. i'm going to do my best to only make multiple dans last for one more chapter, so don't worry. I'll still split them by Dan/Danny/Daniel or something if all three do interact :D


	15. Smooth Talkin'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boy here we go  
>  **Character Key:** Dan = the one the only the og, Danny = the secondary Sexbang ego, Daniel = poor unsuspecting non-time-travel dan from last chapter  
>  this is the only chapter where we find all three i'm so sorry LET'S DO IT

"Oh balls," Dan said, shutting the door in his clone's face.

He heard a laugh from outside, followed by the door opening as Danny said, "I see you're surprised, but there's no need to be afraid."

"Believe me, I know," Dan said, not turning away from him as he backed away.

Danny sauntered into the house, "I can explain everything, if you'll let me."

Dan paused, scrunching his face briefly in thought, "Is this really what I sound like to other people?"

Danny giggled, "Enticing, I know."

They raised their brows at each other before they raised finger guns at the same time and said, "Nice."

"Okay that was a little too much like looking in a mirror," Dan mumbled.

"I must admit, you're taking this a lot better than I thought you would," Danny grinned and started walking closer again, his cape sweeping behind him and somehow flowing as though it were underwater. He purred, "Kudos."

Dan swallowed, "Now I'm kinda getting what hooked Arin to begin with."

"Yeah," Danny nodded in agreement, "but I'm letting him take care of a mission solo right now, which leaves us a lot of time to..." he bit his lip and looked Dan up and down, "get to know each other."

"No, actually, it doesn't," Dan held up a finger. "Listen-"

"Shh," Danny cooed and closed the distance between them, wrapping an arm around Dan to impede his escape, "you have to admit you're a little curious."

"Well, obviously, but that's not-" Dan was silenced as Danny used his other hand to brush Dan's cheek, carding his fingers back through Dan's hair. It was super weird watching himself come on to him, but he forced himself to knock Danny's hand away and step back again, "Hold on!"

Danny looked almost hurt, but before he could ask, the pair stopped when there was a resounding _boom_ outside. They turned their heads as Ninja Brian was suddenly standing in the open doorway, pointing to something frantically before another Ninja Brian slammed into him from the side, knocking them both out of view. Dan and Danny looked back at each other and sprinted for the door, standing on the porch and watching one Brian tackle the other to the ground, causing a ditch to become torn up in the yard from the force of impact. 

"Brian!" both Dan's shouted. The two ninjas paused in their quarrel to look at them. Danny said, "Brian, what have I told y--wait why is there another Ninja Brian?"

"He's mine," Dan explained, setting a hand on Danny's shoulder. "I'm another you; I'm not Dan Avidan."

Instead of looking dissuaded, this factoid only made Danny's eyes grow wider with excitement. A smile spread across his face and he clasped his hands together, saying, "You mean there's three of us? Oh hell yeah, it'll be the best threesome ever!"

"No," Dan quickly said, "that's not-"

"Come on," Danny grabbed hold of his arm and dragged him back into the house. "This is the right place, right? Where's the other Dan?"

"He's upstairs, but you have to listen to me," Dan said, trying to impose the sense of urgency. "There's a reason I'm here, too."

"Well, duh, you knew I'd be here," Danny said with a suave smile and a waggle of his tongue.

Dan rubbed his hand over his face; he was exhausting. He didn't know how his Arin had ever put up with him when they'd first met. "Exactly," Dan had to admit. "But that isn't aaand you're gone," Dan grumbled as Danny sprinted upstairs.

Dan hesitated for a moment, trying to decide whether to make sure the Brian's were separated before realizing this might be the moment Arin caught Danny in the act. He left the ninjas to their own devices, hoping they could settle whatever differences they had--unless, he realized with a chilling realization, they were in fact mock fighting, in which case the world could still go up in flames any moment. He shook his head and made himself focus, running up the stairs after his clone.

Dan heard Daniel Avidan say, "--still here?" as he got to the upstairs hallway. He rounded the corner of the room in time to see the Danny in the Sexbang uniform standing beside the bed, setting a knee on it as though about to climb on and straddle Daniel, who had just caught sight of Dan in the doorway and now looked even more hopelessly lost.

"Shush, let us take care of you," Danny said, voice silky smooth, and even Dan was tempted to forgo the whole mission for that tone alone. Damn, he was good. 

His self indulgence of listening to himself flirt proved to be a mistake. Before he could step in, he heard a voice outside that caused a shot of fear to tear through his chest. It was Arin saying, "Barry, keep an eye on him." He had to mean Brian. Dan started to wonder if it was too late, if Arin had seen both ninjas and knew something was amiss, but his question was answered then he heard a rush of footsteps and one of the Brian's entered the room behind him.

Dan asked, "Are you with me?" Brian, thankfully, nodded. "Get him out of here, I have an idea," Dan quickly spoke in hushed tones and grabbed Danny by the elbow, shoving him into Brian's awaiting arms. "Just keep him in another closet or something and keep him quiet."

Danny pouted, "Hey, what's going-"

"Please for your own good shut up," Dan said, risking the time it would take to step forward and kiss him, as knowing himself, he'd shock Danny into silence. He was right, Danny's face registering surprise before turning to jubilation right as Brian picked him up and carried him to another room. Dan pushed the feeling of the kiss into the back of his mind and pointed at Daniel, saying, "Stand up and play along. Nothing happened," firmly before he rushed to the closet. He tore his clothes off, hearing another pair of feet climbing the steps. He yanked on the blue spandex suit in the nick of time, emerging from the closet just as the bedroom door was opened by Arin, who was in the samurai uniform Dan had first met him in. 

Arin immediately looked suspiciously between them, Dan saying, "Oh, hey Arin," with a wave, his adrenaline drowning out his nervousness. He just needed to play the part. He could do this. 

"Dan, I told you you couldn't do this," Arin said, making Dan freeze up for a moment thinking he'd already been found out. However, Arin gestured to Daniel, "You can't get him involved. He belongs in this timeline, untouched by ours."

Dan forced himself to breathe and said, "I know," evenly. "I just had so many questions to ask him."

Arin looked between them with his eyes narrowed. He walked closer to Daniel, asking, "I'm sorry for the intrusion, I know this is unexpected. But answer me something."

Daniel looked petrified, glancing to Dan. Dan subtly moved his hand in a circular motion to remind Daniel to play along. Daniel looked back to Arin and said, "O-okay, shoot."

"Was he," Arin pointed to Dan, "flirting with you or making any advances just now?"

Dan couldn't shake his head without risking Arin seeing him do so, and all he could do was wait with an immense feeling of dread, hoping against all odds that Daniel wouldn't sell his other self out.

After what felt like an eternity of waiting, Daniel said, "No. He was just making sure I also liked the same bands, and," he tugged at the bang logo on his shirt, "it was a pretty obvious answer."

Dan felt like cement blocks had just been removed from his shoulders. He said, "Yeah. I didn't know how similar we'd be. I'm sorry, Arin; I let my curiosity get the better of me." He threw in an extra pout and the best puppy-dog eyes he could manage.

Arin, much to Dan's even stronger relief, seemed to relax as he looked back to him. "Well, thanks to your boundless curiosity, now the world is at risk of forming a time paradox, and that in turn is taking time out of our mission."

"Ironic that time travelers can run out of time," Dan made himself frown, even though all his muscles were aching to smile. It was working.

"Yeah, well, you know the drill," Arin said, walking over to set his hand on Dan's shoulder and give him a peck on the cheek. "And for what it's worth, I'm proud of you."

Dan scrunched his brow in confusion, "What for?"

Arin chuckled, "For not immediately jumping down his pants. I was really worried, to be honest."

"Come on, Arin," Dan said with a small smile, laying on the Sexbang charm and wrapping his arms around Arin's neck. "You know I'd never do that to you."

"I dunno," Arin said with heavy sarcasm. "You're hard to resist, probably even for yourself."

"I think I'm just hard," Dan smirked, giving Arin a kiss. He had to remind himself this wasn't his own Arin, becoming a little upset but allowing himself this reward. 

Arin rolled his eyes and gently smacked Dan's cheek when they'd parted. He turned back to Daniel, "It's for the best you just forget we were ever here."

Daniel said, "How am I supposed to just forget this?"

"It's far fetched enough that within a year or two, it'll probably feel more like a dream," Arin replied. "We're just lucky the two of you didn't bone, or it'd be a lot harder to forget."

Dan held his hand next to his mouth and loudly mumbled, "Not the only thing that'd be harder."

Arin sighed and shook his head, "Come on, Dan. Let's leave this kid be."

"Right. Nice meeting you," Dan waved. "Rock on!"

"Yeah, you too," Daniel said, watching Dan mouth 'thank you' repeatedly as he backed out the door. 

Dan glanced into the adjacent room where he could see Brian poking his head out of a closet curiously. Dan looked down the stairs as Arin descended them, ensuring he was looking the other way before he rushed into the room and entered the closet where Danny and Brian were laying low.

Danny smiled, "I knew you'd be back for more."

"Not now," Dan held up a hand. "You'll have to live out your clone fantasy some other time. You have to go finish your mission with Arin; the world literally depends on it."

Danny looked between them and asked, "Well why didn't you just say so?"

"Fucking God, get out of here," Dan hissed and shoved Danny through the door. "If Arin asks, I was never here," Dan said as Arin's voice echoed up the stairs.

"You coming?" Arin asked.

Danny gave Dan a blown air kiss and called, "I'm always coming for you, baby," with a smirk, nodding to them before he went downstairs. Dan waited until he was positive he heard the front door close and crept out of the bedroom, peering through the window with Brian right behind. He saw Danny, the second Brian, and Arin and Barry standing in the yard. They talked about something briefly before Arin waved a hand to dismiss something and made a 'let's get a move on' gesture. Brian nodded curtly and picked Danny up onto his shoulders before he started running off, Danny thrusting his two fists into the air, cape flapping behind him majestically. Arin and Barry shook their heads and ran off after them.

For a moment, the three in Daniel's bedroom sat in silence. Abruptly, Dan shot into the air in triumph, shouting, "We did it!" He threw his arms around Brian, who didn't return the hug and instead gave him a look of distaste but allowed it. "We did it!" Dan repeated in sheer joy, jumping around the room. "You did great," he pointed at Daniel.

Daniel still looked lost regarding the entire situation, "Er...thanks."

"Hey, tell Arin I said hi. Well, don't, actually. I mean he'd probably just think you're being weird if you tell him Danny Sexbang says hi, but...whatever, we did it!" he pumped his fists repeatedly.

Daniel chuckled, "I have no idea what's going on, but uh...glad I could help," he gave Dan a grin and a thumbs up.

"You have no fucking idea, dude," Dan replied. "I owe you more than I can express."

"So...you're leaving too, then?" Daniel asked.

His somber question dulled Dan's mood. He calmed himself and said, "Yeah, we have our time period to get back to."

"Okay, but can you just...try to answer something?" Daniel asked.

"Of course."

Daniel rubbed his neck, "Are you, like...actually me? Am I destined to actually embody my own stage persona?"

Dan thought and said, "If I had to guess, I'd say no, because my past was nothing like whatever this is," he motioned to the room around them in general. "But hey, if you're drawing inspiration from me to perform, then what's the difference?" he grinned and set his hands on Daniel's shoulders. "Everyone will love you. You're going to be great."

Daniel straightened with pride and nodded, "Hell yeah."

Dan grinned and gave him a hug, "Also, if the other me ever comes back, don't let him fuck you. Arin caught us and got mad and almost plunged the world into a sexless dystopia."

Daniel paused and said, "Oh. Is that what I just prevented?"

"Yeah, but it's fine. We did good," Dan held up a hand for a high five, which Daniel obliged. "Have fun at your Game Grump session," he chirped.

Daniel clapped a hand to his head, "Oh my God the Grump session!"

Dan snorted and said, "Come on, Bri. We gotta get home." Brian nodded as Daniel gave them one last look and ran around them for the door. Dan watched him go, "He's gonna do great things for this world."

Brian set his hand on Dan's back. Dan took a deep breath and got his ring out, setting the time for home. He pressed the button, a time portal swirling into life in the middle of the room. Brian stepped into it, but before Dan could bring himself to go, he found a notepad and paper to scribble out a brief message.  
He left it on Daniel's bed, looking around the room a final time before he stepped through the portal.

The immense feeling of euphoria Dan felt when he stepped into the Neverbone office was almost too much to bear. He sank to his knees and almost immediately felt a hand on his back. He looked up to see Arin leaning over him, asking, "You alright?"

Dan teared up, throwing his arms around Arin's neck in a tight embrace. "We did it," Dan choked out. "We did it and you don't hate me and everything is so good," he continued between sobs.

"Woah, hey," Arin rubbed Dan's back soothingly. "It's alright, man."

"I know it is," Dan said tightly, burying his face in Arin's neck. "I know."

~~~

Later that night, after Dan Avidan had finished his Grump recording session for the day, he was worn out from all the laughs he'd shared with Arin over the weird shit that had happened to both of them. They'd come to the conclusion that some Ninja Sex Party lookalike fanatics had stalked them and had been messing with them, which was one of the only logical explanations they could come up with.

Dan kept what he'd seen private, as he was still having trouble believing it to be real, anyway. And he didn't want Arin to think he was suddenly suffering from some sort of split personality disorder.

He entered his quiet house and headed up to his room to change, only getting as far as grabbing a pair of sweatpants from his dresser before a small piece of paper on his bed caught his eye. He glanced around and walked over to it, picking it up.

On the note was written, "Stay awesome as Fuck!" signed with a 'Danny' and an S next to a star. Dan's face slowly split into a wide smile. He'd have to get that one framed.


	16. First Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S-A ME, GARBAGIO  
> i. won't make excuses i'm just bad at updating  
> but hey, remember that kissing tag above? ;)

They decided it would be best to get Dan and Brian home in the interest of recuperating after so much time travel in a relatively short spans. Dan insisted on telling them all about the journey once they got there, even though Arin tried to get him to at least take a nap. In the end, Dan won the argument on the agreement he give the "short and sweet version now, the full detail version later." He made a batch of hot chocolate for the lot of them, topping each with a heap of whipped cream.

Barry and Brian ended up bailing within five minutes, as Dan began prattling on starting with the minute they'd set foot in the future while Arin looked like he had no intention of making Dan uphold his end of the bargain. 

By the time he had finally shut himself up, Dan found himself watching Arin's hands, which were wrapped neatly around the sides of his mostly-full mug. His fingers were plenty long enough to reach all the way around the sides, the tips overlapping and intertwining with each other. Dan had taken a seat beside him on his couch, his hot chocolate untouched on the coffee table by their knees. Neither had taken a drink since Dan had delved into the story. Mostly, Dan hadn't drank any due to the eccentric movements of his hands as he gestured and relayed the events he and Brian had witnessed; Arin had forgotten his mug after becoming too enraptured with watching how Dan moved as he spoke, every movement enticing. Dan had utterly captivated his attention. 

Arin brought the mug to his mouth to take a thoughtful sip. Dan's eyes traced the movement, winding up watching Arin's throat as his Adam's apple bobbed with a gulp. Arin's voice snapped Dan back to attention, "Wow."

Dan snorted softly, reaching to pick up his mug. "Wow? That's all you have to say?" he asked, the corner of his mouth quirked up into a grin as he finally got a chance to take a drink. He made a face at the temperature, now closer to luke-warm than hot. 

Arin chuckled at the expression and said, "It's a lot to wrap my head around." He took another drink, getting cream in his mustache. Dan felt his throat get a bit dry as he couldn't help but imagine helping Arin in the endeavor of cleaning it up, but Arin took care of it with a swipe of his tongue. He switched his mug into one hand so that he could roll his ring between the pointer finger and thumb of his other hand. He clasped it in his palm as he said, "So you cheated on me, huh?" with a small, patient smile.

Dan rubbed his neck and looked away with a nod. He hadn't seen the point of keeping any information from Arin, so he'd admitted to the act of what had made Arin so angry to begin with. He chuckled sheepishly and said, "I mean, in my defense, is it really cheating if I was trying to bang myself?"

Arin snorted and took a sip. "I can't say I'm surprised you'd be curious to try, but yeah, if you were trying to get away with it behind my back, I don't think it matters who it's with."

"Fair enough," Dan said, a blush creeping into his cheeks. "I'm sorry, Arin."

"Hey," Arin slipped his ring back on and set his hand on Dan's shoulder, "it's alright. From what you've told me, you learned your lesson. Even if you did have to stop your future self from ever coming on to your alter ego."

A small smile played at Dan's mouth again. He said, "I just...I want you to know that I never want to hurt you."

"I know, man," Arin said, a tingle running up Dan's spine as Arin's hand slid from his shoulder to the middle of his back. "To be honest, I'm still stuck on the fact I named my evil overlord council the Dick Elders," he chuckled. 

"I think that was supposed to get my attention, if anything. But you looked pretty badass in your evil overload cloak," Dan grinned. 

Arin rolled his eyes, "I'm sure I did." He took a drink and set the mug down next to Dan's, saying, "So."

"So?" Dan asked, finding it increasingly hard to concentrate the longer Arin's hand lingered on his back.

"Technically, you saved the world. Guess that makes you a superhero or something," Arin smirked. 

Dan straightened up a little at the praise, "Well, I don't know about a _hero,_ but I am pretty super." He wiggled his scarred eyebrow.

Arin snorted softly, "Sure, something like that. And as I'm sure you know, being a hero is all about helping people. Like stopping catastrophes that prevent moody boyfriends from instilling unfair chastity laws on everyone."

Dan's brows knit together a fraction as he studied Arin's face. "Where the hell are you going with this?" he asked, a chuckle breaking up the last few words. When Arin simply sat silently in response, it took an extra beat before the dawning realization of what he'd said broke across Dan's expression like beams of sunlight. "Wait, did you say boyfriend?" 

Instead of replying verbally, Arin leaned over and pressed his lips against Dan's. Dan melted into it, the fluttering in his chest washing through his entire body like waves over sand. It was better than he'd ever anticipated, better by far than the kiss he'd shared with the Arin from a separate timeline. When Arin pulled back, he chuckled at Dan's starstruck expression. He said, "Yeah, I did."

Dan threw his arms around Arin in jubilation, burying his nose into the crook of Arin's neck. He shifted so that as much of his body was pressing against Arin's as possible, almost as if he were trying to fuse them together. He breathed in deeply, the smell of Arin's skin a tad salty from his perpetual state of being a little sweaty mixed with the deodorant he preferred, along with traces of soap from his shampoo. It was the best scent in the world. Arin wrapped his arms around Dan in turn, tucking his head over the pillow of curly hair under his chin. He rubbed Dan's back and said, "I trust you."

Dan felt tears sting the corners of his eyes as a smile crinkled his eyes and nose. He sniffled and said, "Thank you," softly, eyes squeezed shut in the attempt not to cry, though the waver in his voice gave him away.

Arin shifted his hold to kiss Dan's forehead. He moved a hand, curving a finger to tuck under Dan's chin and tilt his head up to look at him. He brushed his thumb across Dan's cheek to wipe away an escaped tear. Dan sniffled again and set his hand over Arin's, tilting his head into the touch. He wanted to memorize the feeling of Arin's skin, the heat of his palm. "One condition though, yeah?" he said gently.

"What?" Dan asked, smile never leaving his face.

"If you accompany Barry and I on heroic missions, no trying to bang versions of yourself, clones or otherwise," Arin grinned.

Dan giggled, "As if you really had to tell me."

"Thought I'd give you a fair warning," Arin ruffled his hand through Dan's hair.

Dan let it stick up at odd angles and said, "Well, thank you. I appreciate it."

"You're welcome."

Dan got distracted for a moment, lost staring into the warm, comforting brown of Arin's eyes. He cleared his throat and tore his gaze away, "We should, uh...probably make sure Brian and Barry aren't off getting into trouble somewhere."

To his surprise, Arin made a humming sound of acknowledgement but said, "I dunno. I think they can handle themselves for a night."

Dan felt his face heat up instantly again. He swallowed in the attempt to tame the desert his throat had become. "You think so?"

"They're capable; I think Barry can keep Brian on a pretty tight leash," Arin chuckled. "Besides, you need to rest."

"Oh, I guess," Dan said, still suspicious and only slightly disappointed he hadn't suggested other activities.

Arin picked up his hot chocolate and chugged the rest, sighing as he started to heave himself up. "Come on," he said, holding a hand down.

Dan eyed it and grabbed it curiously, watching the way the muscles in Arin's arm tensed as he helped pull Dan into a stand. "Where...are we going?" he asked.

"Your room," Arin replied perfectly evenly, as though the implications of that wouldn't make Dan's heart nearly spike out of his chest. He knew better than to expect Arin had meant it with any sexual connotations, but hearing him say it still made Dan's heart beat skyrocket. He allowed himself to be led in a daze, trying his best not to let his imagination get the best of him and becoming monumentally relieved when he realized his mind-projector wasn't currently attached to his head. 

Arin let Dan enter the room and pushed the door so that it would remain only slightly ajar. He sat on the bed and leaned back on his hands. "You gonna get into something more comfortable?" he asked, as Dan had never changed out of his Sexbang uniform since returning home.

Dan knew it. He was trying to kill him. "Uh," Dan looked down at himself, "it's not like I haven't slept in this before."

Arin shrugged, "It's up to you; I just imagine not having a cape to get tangled up in might make spending the night here easier on both of us."

Was Dan dreaming? Maybe he was dreaming. "Oh, you're staying?"

"If that's alright with you," Arin said, shifting to press his back against the headboard of Dan's bed. He shut his eyes and crossed his ankles, folding his hands over his stomach. 

Dan became too absorbed in staring at Arin's figure for a moment to remember how to speak. When Arin cracked an amused eye open in question of his silence, Dan said, "Oh yeah, yeah! Absolutely." 

Arin laughed and shut his eyes again, waiting for Dan to get into pajamas. Dan couldn't help but feel a little self conscious as he undressed, thinking Arin might only be pretending not to be watching, though he couldn't be sure. Dan selected a pink t-shirt with a unicorn head and the sparkly words "Death Metal" around it and a pair of fuzzy fleece pants which were sky blue. He sat on the bed, the movement of the mattress prompting Arin to open his eyes again. Arin chuckled at his shirt and said, "Not gonna lie, that's pretty awesome." He stretched an arm out along the wall.

Dan smiled and scooted over, leaning on Arin's shoulder and tucking his nose up under Arin's jaw, the scratching of Arin's scruff on his nose not bothering him in the least. Arin's arm wrapped itself around Dan snugly. The two sat in comfortable silence until Dan felt the sudden curious urge to shift his foot, slipping it over Arin's ankle. Arin reciprocated by crossing his leg over Dan's. Dan hummed in content, mumbling, "Guess we don't need a cape to get tangled."

"Guess not," Arin agreed, rubbing his thumb back and forth along Dan's arm where his hand was resting. 

A thought crossed Dan's mind, making him move his head back to say, "Hey Arin."

"Hey Dan."

"I don't think I ever got to properly thank you for that unicorn you got me," Dan grinned, sliding his palm flat across Arin's stomach until it was gently clasping his side. 

Arin raised a brow, but he didn't make any attempt to move Dan's hand. "No, I suppose you didn't."

"Well then," Dan sat up and lowered his voice, cooing, "I think you deserve the best reward I can bestow. A real, proper Danny Sexbang kiss."

He almost expected Arin to shut him down, but Arin said, "Well shit, man, how could I say no to that?"

Dan grinned and took it easy, even though his nerves were all on fire. He leaned forward and moved his hand to cup Arin's jaw, shifting the hand back to card his fingers through Arin's hair as their mouths met. His eyes fluttered shut, trying to commit every sensory detail to memory. The way their lips locked together in perfect unison, the delicacy of the soft skin of Arin's lips paired with the scratching of his mustache, and most of all the taste. He allowed himself one brief moment of trailing his tongue along Arin's lip, but didn't delve any deeper. He did however lightly grasp at Arin's hair with the desire to make the kiss last longer, and Arin easily obliged. 

Dan felt Arin's hands settle on the curves of his hips, prompting him into arching his back to press their chests together. He made himself stop before he knew he'd get carried away, asking, "How was that?"

Arin hummed in dramatized thought before he nodded in satisfaction. "I think I can understand the hype of your fans, now," he replied. The response made Dan's chest swell with pride. He grinned smugly as the pair slid down, Arin throwing the covers over their legs as they arranged themselves more comfortably for sleeping. Dan's head remained on Arin's shoulder, able to hear the promising pounding of Arin's heart which indicated he'd probably found that as enjoyable as Dan had. 

"Good night, Arin," Dan said, energy suddenly drained as the events of the last several hours finally caught up with him.

"Night, Danny," Arin yawned, keeping his arm around Dan's side. 

Tired as he was, a few minutes later, Dan whispered, "Arin?"

"Hm?"

"...You think we can do that again sometime?"

Arin scoffed, "Gee, I dunno. It felt too amazing, so I think we'd better not."

Dan giggled, "Would hate to have too much fun."

~~~

"Arin, slow down," Dan laughed, breath hitching as Arin backed him against the wall of his room. It was dark, as Arin had used his foot to shut the door behind them.

Arin chuckled lowly in response, "Of all people, I expected you to tell me to speed up."

"How much time do we have?" Dan asked.

"Seriously? I have a ring that can take us through time and that's your concern?" Arin grinned against the skin of Dan's throat, kissing his pulse point before nipping at the spot.

Dan made a soft groan and said, "Yes, actually, because Barry and Brian could be following us up any minute and-"

"Shh," Arin gently shushed him, curving his pointer finger under Dan's chin to lift his head and placing his thumb on Dan's lips. Dan immediately shut up and closed his eyes, finding it difficult to get himself to open them again as Arin continued kissing at his neck. Dan bent a leg, resting it against Arin's waist and hooking it around his back, using it to pull their hips closer together. 

Arin made a playful growl deep in his throat and moved his hand out of the way so he could give Dan a proper kiss, lacing his fingers through Dan's hair and easily grasping enough to pull gently at it. Dan whined softly and breathed, "Arin," in response, just before his voice got stolen by another kiss. Arin nibbled at his lower lip, Dan reciprocating by trailing the tip of his tongue along Arin's mustache and giggling at the feeling. Arin grinned and let go, only to become preoccupied with parting his lips to allow Dan's tongue to delve into his mouth. Dan hummed and slid his tongue along Arin's, relishing the taste. He could taste it all day and knew he'd still crave more. 

"Dan," Arin sighed, Dan setting his hand on Arin's jaw to continue the kiss.

"Dan," Arin repeated, making Dan's brows knit a little in confusion at the repetition. He figured Arin was letting himself get carried away, but-

"Dan."

Dan blinked his eyes open, immediately feeling drool dribbling down the side of his chin. He made a disgusted groan and wiped at it with his arm, then froze after he noticed two things. One, he realized Arin was watching him. They were still laying in bed facing one another, but undoubtedly Arin had woken up first.

The second thing he noted were the fading figures projected into the room, which were disappearing more with each passing moment Dan regained consciousness.

Dan's entire face went red. He stammered, "A-Arin, I...how did...I didn't, it wasn't-" as he reached a hand to his head carefully, patting at his temple and feeling the projector stuck there. He froze again, looking to Arin as he made a bashful chuckle.

"I put it there," Arin admitted. "Brian came in earlier to give it to you, but you were still asleep, so he gave it to me. You were making some...interesting sounds, so I may have let my curiosity get the better of me."

Dan could still barely find it in himself to move. "Oh," he responded eloquently. 

Arin set a hand on Dan's shoulder, "Dude, calm down. Take a breath. It's fine." Dan nodded slowly and made himself draw a long breath in, Arin waiting for him to release it before he continued, "I get it, alright? You have a stronger sex drive than I do, and that's fine. I can't stop you from dreaming, and I certainly can't control what they're about," Arin gestured to the last of the fading figures of themselves. "I'm not mad."

Dan rubbed a hand through his hair, "Oh. That's...good."

"Yeah," Arin gave him a small smile, propping himself on one elbow, "in fact, it did look pretty fun."

"...I'm still dreaming, aren't I?"

Arin said, "You wish," and leaned down to give him a chaste kiss. He pinched Dan's cheek and said, "We'll get around to it, sometime. For now, what say we have some coffee and then go save some people from assholes?"

Dan perked up and said, "Sounds like a plan daddy can get behind."

Arin snorted and stood, saying, "Not the only thing he can get behind," and ruffling Dan's hair as he walked by, headed for the door.

Dan's jaw dropped as he watched Arin's back disappear around the corner. He bit his lip and said, "Woof," before leaping out of bed after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't bring myself to end this yet, especially after keeping you lovelies waiting so long for this chapter, SO i'm gonna throw in one more for good measure, and cross my heart it'll be out in the next week or two (my semester is basically over and i'll be on winter break so i'll actually have time to write things that aren't essays for classes!! it's a christmas miracle!)
> 
> thank you all so so much for your kind words over the course of the fic and the utmost patience sticking with me through to now <3 stay beautiful


	17. Don't You Know?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when will i learn to stop making promises about how long it will take between chapter updates why am i the WORST  
> the world may never know

Dan stepped into the Neverbone office behind Arin, instantly feeling at home. Brian stepped through the portal behind them just as it fizzled shut. He took a seat beside Barry, who was seated in a rolling chair in front of their large computer terminal with the holographic globe. Dan took a deep breath and clapped his hands together before he punched at the air and said, "Alright! Let's do this shit! How do we do this shit?" 

Arin laughed and said, "Well, my first order of business pertaining to officially inducting you two as members of our Abstinence Patrol Team is providing you with something a little more," he tilted a hand back and forth, "suit-able." He chuckled at his own pun, which made Barry roll his eyes. Arin said, "Oh come on, you know that was a good one."

Barry turned his head to look over his shoulder, "Actually, I think it was a bit too fabric-ated."

Dan looked between them and gasped, clutching his hands in front of his chest as he bounced in place. "You got us our own uniforms?"

"Bingo," Arin said, walking over to the cylindrical glass cases that held his and Barry's suits of samurai armor. Dan hadn't noticed until then that there were now two more cases, but the glass was blocked by colored curtains. In order, the curtains were pink, purple, blue, and gold. Arin slapped his hand against the case with the pink curtain and said, "We had a few changes done to our uniforms, too. We realized full blown suits of armor were pretty ineffective for what we normally deal with, so the samurai suits will be reserved for more world-ending emergencies like what you dealt with. For all other occasions," he hit a switch on the wall which automatically lifted the curtains into the ceiling. Each case had a mannequin inside it dressed in a different uniform.

Dan's jaw dropped as he zipped immediately to the blue case with an excited squeal. For him, they had designed a blue vest with torn off sleeves and matching blue pants, the ankles of which flared much like they did on his Sexbang outfit. The arms of the mannequin had flowing blue ribbons tied around the biceps, and a wide belt was wrapped around the waist. The belt buckle had four stripes of color which matched the curtains of each case. Most notable was a leather bracer on the wrist; it had blue trim for accent purposes, as well as a ring embedded into a blue, metal circle on the top. 

"You got us our own portal rings?! I love it!" Dan chirped, clapping his hands together. "Can I try it on, can I?"

"Yeah, you need to get your ass fitted for it, anyway," Arin chuckled. He hit another button that made the rounded glass cases slide horizontally into the wall behind them with a soft whoosh. 

Dan immediately started taking his jacket off as Brian walked to study his. He tilted his head at the mostly yellow design, resembling a karate-style robe. The chest had two sigils on either side that matched the two golden ones on his ninja outfit. They had also provided him with a golden headband and a bracer similar to Dan's, with golden accents rather than blue.

Arin's own uniform looked like a dark pink suit jacket with pink pants and a headband to boot. Barry's was similar to Arin's, but it was light purple and didn't include the headband. Arin slipped off his coat and hung it up on a peg by the door. By the time he turned around, Brian had simply put his new uniform over the top of his full-body ninja gear. Dan was also prancing around with his vest on, his bouncing curls of hair imitating the blue ribbons flowing behind him. He twirled and said, "This is amazing!" He ran over to Arin and leaped at him for a hug. Arin clasped his arms around Dan and instinctively ended up spinning them both around as Dan left his legs kicked up into the air. He couldn't pinpoint why, but it felt to Arin like it was just the right thing to do, as if he'd done it a thousand times before. 

A smile broke out across Arin's face. "I'm glad you guys like them. I did most of the design work," he admitted with a sheepish blush, rubbing a hand on his neck.

"Well, you should be a fashion expert," Dan said, admiring himself in the reflection of the windows that looked out over the city. He flexed his arms, which didn't amount to much, but it didn't stop a satisfied smirk from crossing his features. 

Arin rolled his eyes as he slipped his pink jacket on, "Yeah, let me just drop everything and get right on that."

"Can I wear my Sexbang cape with this?" Dan asked.

Arin knew he wouldn't be able to turn down the large, sparkling puppy eyes Dan was using against him. He said, "As long as you don't tell people it's a 'Sexbang' cape, then yes. I'll leave it up to you."

"Yay!" Dan hugged Arin again. "What's our first mission, captain?" he saluted.

"I have no idea. Barry, how we lookin'?" Arin asked, straightening the cuffs on his sleeves.

"Pretty quiet," Barry responded. "Just a few blips across the radar here and there. Easy peasy stuff."

Arin nodded, "Easy peasy is just what we needsy." He buckled his belt on and set his fists on his hips, "Oh yeah, I feel hot."

"You look hot," Dan wiggled a brow.

"Actually, I'm less hot. That samurai armor made me sweat my balls off," Arin said with a carefully composed expression. "This is made with fabric that specifically wicks sweat away from my damp ass."

Dan burst into laughter. He set his hands on his knees and said, "You have no balls?"

"Yeah dude, they sweat right off," Arin grinned, his facade breaking. "I'm being serious, I'm very sensitive about it!"

"That's a tragedy," Dan shook his head and put his arm around Arin's shoulders. "But don't you worry, I think mine are big enough to cover for the both of us."

Barry threw his hands up and said, "Okay, that's enough. I don't want to hear any more details about the size or lack thereof of any balls in this office."

Arin and Dan laughed, leaning on each other for support. Arin said, "I think you're bitter because Dan's nads are ginormous."

"That is the opposite of something to be jealous about," Barry retorted. "And I still don't want to hear about them."

Ninja Brian shook his head and crossed one arm over his chest as the other hand pinched the bridge of his nose. Dan playfully punched Brian's shoulder and said, "Are you lightly salting my nuts right now?"

Arin snorted and doubled over again, his laughter reinvigorated from the phrase. Dan smiled proudly at his ability to make Arin laugh at a dick joke, but he earned a much firmer punch from Brian for doing so. He rubbed at the spot and giggled, "I'm only a little sorry."

Barry said, "If you're done, then we should hit the road. There's cases to attend to."

Arin waved a hand dismissively and said, "Yeah, yeah, salty salmon. We're on it."

Dan thrust his hands into the air, "Yeah! Daddy's first chastity mission!"

The door slid open as Barry pressed a button on the wall. "And his only mission if he calls himself that again when I'm in the room," he said.

Dan pouted, "Aww, come on Baby Bare! I'll be good." Brian crawled past on the ceiling to bypass them for moving too slowly. Arin covered a snort with a hand and played it off as a cough. 

"Let's just get this show on the road," Barry said, locking the door behind them.

"Yeah!" Dan jumped again, taking Arin's hand and running for the elevator. "Let's do it!"

~~~

After much prodding on Arin's behalf, Barry finally agreed to take Ninja Brian out to an axe throwing bar just to keep him out of Dan's apartment for a little while longer. Arin accompanied Dan home after work, the latter being none the wiser about why Barry practically had to drag Brian back out the door. They'd agreed that if Dan came to Arin's timeline to help him with his work, then Arin would spend most nights in Dan's time so they could share more quality bonding experiences. 

Once they'd ordered Chinese food for dinner, consisting mostly of dumplings, they started preparing for an evening of lounging around. Dan set up his favorite movie, The Last Unicorn, so he could show it to Arin while they ate. As Arin pulled off his work clothes, he said, "Hey Dan?"

"What's up?" Dan replied, somehow getting his foot caught in the leg of his pants.

"Could you sing me something?" Arin asked.

Dan brightened up at the suggestion. He hummed in thought as he continued wrestling with the pants. When he finally got them off, he chirped, "Oh, I got one!" He leaped onto the bed and turned so his back would hit it, bouncing him to the other side of the room so he could grab his mind projector. Arin smiled at his antics and sat on the edge of the bed to watch the show.

The lights dimmed as a pair of backup singers projected themselves into the room, both in the Sexbang uniform. Dan tapped his foot to a slow beat as his mind also emanated a tune in the air. Though, from what Arin knew of the song, Dan was purposefully singing it a little faster than it was meant to be played in order to give it a bouncier feel.

" _Love,_ " Dan swayed his hips with a small smile, " _I get so lost, sometimes. Days pass, and this emptiness fills my heart. When I want to run away, I drive off in my car. But whichever way I go, I come back to the place you are," he took one of Arin's hands and prompted him into a stand. "And all my instincts, they return. And the grand facade, so soon will burn. Without a noise, without my pride. I reach out from the inside._ "

Arin raised a brow as the two backup singers stepped back and a third clone appeared to take over singing the chorus. Meanwhile, Dan took Arin's other hand and started slowly dancing, waiting for Arin to join in. When he got what was happening, Arin chuckled and indulged him. He didn't do anything fancy, but Dan looked more than thrilled about it, anyway.

_In your eyes. The light the heat, in your eyes_

Dan put his arms around Arin's neck and leaned back, stretching one arm out behind him.

_I am complete in your eyes_

Arin grabbed the hand when it started moving back to Dan's side and lifted it, letting Dan spin beneath the arch their hands made.

_I see the doorway, to a thousand churches_

Dan stopped with his back to Arin and shimmied his torso to the music as he dipped lower, Arin letting his hands run up Dan's sides as he slid down and then rose up again.

_The resolution of all the fruitless searches_

Dan turned halfway, feeling Arin's hand rest against the middle of his back and allowing him to dip, stretching one leg out as one of his arms fell back and brushed the floor.

_I see the light and the heat, in your eyes_

The tune slowed down as Dan began to sing softly, " _Oh, I want to be that complete._ " He reached up to set a hand on Arin's jaw, " _I want to touch the light, the heat I see in your eyes._ "

Arin smiled and leaned down, pulling Dan into a slow kiss. Dan wrapped an arm behind Arin's neck and leaned up into the kiss with passion, making a quiet sound as Arin nipped at his lip. Arin pulled back and studied Dan's expression for a moment before he said, "You know something?"

"What's that?" Dan asked, fairly certain his heart had stopped.

Arin brushed some hair out of Dan's face and said, "I love you, Dan."

Dan beamed up at him and kissed him again before he replied, "I love you, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and with that, this lil diddy draws to a close :3 my next planned fic is a DBH au with dan as the android, if you want a taste of what it might be like i have a pair of dbh ficlets posted to my tumblr writing blog (Tracies-tales)! hope to see ya there :D
> 
> thank you all again for the reads/comments/kudos, each one means the world <3 feel free to toss me new ideas if there's anything you'd like to see!! (trust me i can easily be swayed into writing just about anything)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The One Person Danny Couldn't Seduce](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14597712) by [mild_mannered_apricot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mild_mannered_apricot/pseuds/mild_mannered_apricot)




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